Spoiler Alert! Week One of the NFL Playoffs

The first round of the NFL playoffs begins this weekend.  Here’s what’s going to happen.

Cincinnati @ Houston

When I think of the Bengals and the playoffs, I think about the Ickey Shuffle.

When I think of the Texans and the playoffs, I think about the Oilers and the time they got beat by Frank Reich’s Buffalo Bills after blowing at 137 point lead thus forcing us to watch the Bills lose another Super Bowl.

I watched that game in a Jiffy Lube waiting room.

Cincinnati leaves me with a warmer playoff memory.  Oh, and they’re not starting a guy who at the beginning of the season was the third string quarterback.

Bengals 34, Texans 13

Detroit @ New Orleans

You’re not allowed to hate the New Orleans Saints.

They represent a city that was devastated by a hurricane.

Their quarterback, by all appearances, is a stand up guy who will probably at least share the MVP award this year.

They have a biblical mascot.

I hate the Saints.

The Saints have a much better team but I’m going with my heart instead of my head on this one.

Lions 42, Saints 0

Atlanta @ New York

Pretty much every team Atlanta has beaten this year has been mediocre at best.  Unless you count the Philadelphia Eagles who were a very promising and talented team until the season started.

Fortunately, the Atlanta Falcons will be playing a mediocre team this Sunday.

Atlanta 9, New York 6

Pittsburgh @ Denver

It’s opposite day in the NFL!

Denver quarterback Tim Tebow spends his free time working on his throwing motion and going on missions trips.

Pittsburgh quarterback Ben Roethlisberger spends his wrecking motorcycles and stalking girls at bars in Milledgeville, Georgia.  Yeah, I know.  Milledgeville?  Crazy.

Sadly, the bad guys win this one.

Pittsburgh 28, Denver 10