An Exegetical Analysis of The Final Countdown

Like most Americans, you’re probably wondering what it would sound like if the guitar players and drummer from Metallica started a band with the lady that plays the organ for the nearest minor league baseball team and Vladimir Putin on lead vocals.

Wonder no more.

0:01 – “Mommy!”

0:24 – Some days, your band just doesn’t have it.  When that day arrives, stare at your keyboard player.  That way everyone will blame him.

0:54 – There are two ways to know that your band just isn’t hitting on all cylinders.  The first clue is when random people walk up on stage during your performance and start snooping around backstage.

1:16 – The other clue is when that same random dude starts looking into your speakers and then tuning your guitar while you’re playing.  Did this ever happen to Eddie Van Halen?

“The boys are a little off tonight, Carl.  Eddie missed a few notes on that last solo.  Go up there and twist some nobs on his guitar.”

“Sure thing boss.”

1:42 – Biggest fan in 3, 2, 1.

“I told Vera not to buy that boy no keyboard.  This is ridiculous.”

2:00 – Jam session, baby!

2:52 – And just in case you forgot the name of the song.

I think at one point this was the theme song for the NBA or NASA or something.

Well, it’s not anymore and I think we know why.