How to Fit In

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Everyone wants to fit in. In his own little way, even the guy with a chain pierced through his ear and connected to his nose wants to be accepted. There are several ways to fit in.  You could play it low-key, hide in the corner and hope no one notices you but where’s the fun in that? Or you could sell your soul and become someone you’re not. But you really need your soul.

There’s a better way. Here’s some help for a variety of situations and circumstances.

Fitting In at Bible College or Seminary

Find a conversation and blow that sucker up, baby!  Maybe there are a few folks talking about music. This is a perfect opportunity for you to theological flex your muscles.

Stranger Talking to a Group of Friends: “Amazing Grace is my favorite hymn.”

You: “You’re still amazed by God’s grace?  Haven’t you read Ephesians 2?  Figure it out, man.”

Bam.

And don’t let a little prayer stop you either.

Stranger Praying: “And please be with Maria tonight as she…”

You (interrupting): “God’s already with Molly.”

This let’s people know what they’re dealing with. Whether you are or not, you’re coming across as a theological heavyweight. Sure, there will be a few naysayers but just let them know that you’re trying to promote a spirit of discernment. Who can argue with that? You’ll be published in no time.

As a basic rule, just find something that everyone likes and run it off into the ditch.  The latest video going around Facebook, the team that won the Super Bowl, the Super Bowl, Adele, blue jeans, ice cream, and your own wife and kids are all fair game to be set straight by a 1500 word blog posting.  Anything but baseball.  If you really want to fit in at your Bible college or seminary you’ll leave baseball alone.

Fitting In During a Musical Conversation

Here’s the scenario. You’re at a party and a few of the people around you are talking about Daft Punk. You have no clue who Daft Punk is. For a lesser individual this would mean that it’s time to slip off to the bathroom. But you’re not lesser. You’re more-er and people need to know it and here’s how they will with just one short phrase.

“I liked the old stuff a lot better.”

No one can argue with that.  The old stuff is always better.  This is true of every artist that has ever existed.  And even if there really is no old stuff, no one will object because, for all they know, there just might be some old stuff and they don’t want to look ignorant when it comes to Daft Punk. Maybe they recorded a few tracks in your basement a few years back. See, now you’re using their desire to fit in to your own advantage.

But you have to be careful with your words here.  Remember, you have no clue who Daft Punk is. Is it one punk?  Is it a band of punks?  Are they French?  You can’t say, “I liked her old stuff a lot better” because then the whole thing goes sideways really quick.  Be very general here.

Fitting In at Your High School

Step one: Wake up a few minutes before school starts.

Step two: Leave your pajamas on.

Step three:  Find a sweatshirt or jacket with a hood.

Step four:  Put the hood on. I don’t care if it’s not raining or if you live in Florida and it’s 87 degrees. Just do it.

Step five: Go to school.

Step six: Go to Wal-Mart.

Step seven: Go home and go back to bed in newer, fresher pajamas.

Step eight: Enjoy your reign as homecoming queen/king.

Fitting In with Your Mechanic

There’s probably no other place where it’s more important to fit in.  One false move here and you could end up paying for two vent drafted cylinder heads when you really only need one.  Whether you actually do or not, you have to look and act like you know what’s going on. Fitting in matters.

First, you have to dress for the occasion. If you’re the type that enjoys wearing the Rick Santorum sweater vest, avoid letting your mechanic see you in this. But don’t worry.  A wardrobe overhaul isn’t necessary. All you need is a pair of coveralls and some old dress shoes. This outfit alone instantly gets you to 95% legitimacy.  Men that wear greasy coveralls with old church shoes know their cars.

But to put yourself over the edge, there are two more steps worth following.

When you’re telling your mechanic what’s wrong with your car, look all flustered and talk real fast.  If you have one, bring your kid with you. If you don’t have a kid, find one. This leaves the impression that if you only had the time you could take care of this cracked vent drafted cylinder head yourself. But not with a kid around. Also, refer to the kid as “the yungun.”

Almost there.

When the mechanic comes back to tell you what they’re going to have to do to your vent drafted cylinder head, don’t look surprised. You need to say something back, otherwise the mechanic will think he can throw something else on you that you don’t really need.  Just remember to be careful what you say and how you say it.

Unacceptable Responses to Your Mechanic’s Assessment

1.  “Vent drafted cylinder head?  What’s that?”

2.  “Is that next to the little red thingy?”

Acceptable Responses

1.  “I knew it!  Man, I miss Dale Sr.”

2.  “Yeah, that’s what I told Jimmy.  He thought it was the radiator.  Idiot.  Hey, did you hear Creed’s getting back together?”

With the right wardrobe, a flustered look and a cool response, you’ll be well on your way to free tickets to the next race down at the dirt track and maybe even saving a few bucks on that vent drafted cylinder head.

Fitting in has its privileges.