Film Forum: Clicker Stoppers

This is an ongoing discussion between friends about the best in motion pictures.

With the exception of Frank, none of us knows what we’re talking about.

That’s never stopped us before.

Today’s topic: It’s dumb but if it’s on TV, you’re watching it anyway.

Frank Glidden – The Actor

This one was so easy. Hands down, it has to be…….Beastmaster. Marc Singer playing Conan light. How could this have gone wrong. They couldn’t afford James Earl Jones, so they went with John Amos. (No offense to Mr. John Amos. He was good in Great Times, or was it great in Good Times?) Rip Torn in a mythical, barbarian type movie? Come on. At least he redeemed himself in later movies. Dodgeball comes to mind. The greatest thing about Beastmaster? The ferrets. I can’t even remember their names, but when you think they are dead, it almost makes you cry. No matter how many times I’ve seen the last 40 minutes of this movie, I watch it if I run across it. I think honestly that’s about all I have ever seen of it.

Shane Burchfiel – Provider for Earth’s People

Roadhouse. Why? Because that’s the dude from The Outsiders, Red Dawn, and Point Break. Even though he’s passed on, he’ll go all Swayze on yo face!

Casey Harpe – Newlywed 

Okay, I can think of three. Swingers, Tommy Boy, and Happy Gilmore.

Swingers – There is something about Vince Vaughan and John Favreau
getting drunk and trying to figure out how to pick up “beautiful
babies” that is just hilarious. There’s a lot of cussing and drinking
and college humor but it’s still a great movie. Morally, it’s
reprehensible…but for entertainment’s sake, it’s gold.

Tommy Boy – Chris Farley.

Happy Gilmore – Man. You can’t help but love Happy and absolutely
hate Shooter McGavin. So many great lines, fighting with Bob Barker, and
Carl Weathers for goodness sake.

I must have watched these 3 movies 8000 times each when I was in
Athens (notice I didn’t say “when I was in ‘college’”). I’m pretty
sure I could quote at least 75% of each one.

Jeff Merrill – The Singer

I have absolutely no clue as to why, but I can’t manage to get past Point Break. It’s as if the remote goes into automatic lock-down mode. I think there was a week last year that I watched that movie from wherever I picked it up to its final scene three nights in a row.

Jay Sanders – The Pastoral Rambler

Point Break.

There’s a portion of my brain that tells me to get mad at people on the interstate for slowing down to look at the wreck on the side of the road.  There’s another portion of my brain that tells me to slam on my brakes and take a look.  I mean for crying out loud, one of the cars could explode and how could I live with myself if I had to tell my grandkids about the time I almost got to see a car explode on the side of the interstate.

Point Break is the cinematic car fire on the side of the road.  It’s got Gary Busey.  No wait, Nick Nolte.  Whatever.  Either way, one of those guys is in it along with some of the Red Hot Chili Peppers.  But what really sets things over the edge is the performance of a young Keanu Reeves before he got acting lessons.  A real recipe for disaster.

Point Break comes on TV at least 42 times a year and it may be one of the worst big budget movies of all time.  But if I drive up on Point Break, I’m slowing down to take a look.  If you’ve never seen Point Break before, take my advice.  Keep moving.  There’s nothing to see here.

Kevin Lester – The Accountant for Mayberry PD

Maximum Overdrive.

I can only describe this in the fashion that truly great movies can be
described; in phrases that are separated with periods that leave the
awesomeness to the imagination of the listener.

Emilio Estevez. Yeardley Smith aka Lisa Simpson.  Stephen King. Alien
controlled trucks.  Exploding gas pumps.  Killer electric knives.  Boy
gets run over by a steam roller.  AC/DC.