An Exegetical Analysis of Judge Judy

One of these days you may find yourself having to cast the deciding vote in a family feud over a dead deer.

Learn from the master.

0:52 – “I thawt she had fool cuv-rudge.”

You came all the way to the Judge Judy show with that!  Couldn’t you at least make something up?  The brakes don’t work.  The county needs to put up a Deer Xing sign.  Anything but “I thawt she had fool cuv-rudge.”  By the time this classically crafted sentence reaches Judge Judy’s ears it sounds like this.  “If I’d node she only had dat cheap Safe Auto cuv-rudge I wooda bar-eed somebudy else’s buggy.”

1:10 – Her Honor obviously isn’t from the south.  A few years back somebody hit a deer on the road in front of my house and that thing’s still in the ditch.  I’m pretty sure I saw it move yesterday.

Who waits for someone to come by and move a dead deer off the road?  That’s what buzzards and 18-wheelers are for.

1:15 – Always, always, always put pine straw on a deer when you kill it.  This is just basic and common respect for nature.  Weren’t you paying attention to the end of the Price is Right?

“This is Bob Barker reminding you to put pine straw on your road kill.”

I don’t want to know how she “took the antler” but I’m sure that somebody had a good Christmas that year.

1:21 – This woman manages to set the southern states back another 50 years in 3, 2, 1…

Apparently the pine straw was her way of letting other hungry motorists know that this dead dear was spoken for.

“Look mama.  Dat deer layin’ in da middle of da road ain’t got no antler.  Can we eat it?”

“No, Dale.  Can’t you see it’s got pine straw on it?  You just like yer dead-eee.”

And I can’t help but wonder how long “later” was.

1:30 – “Sister, I got good news and bad news.  The bad news is dat I toe up yo buggy.  The good news is dat we havin’ deer fer supper tu-niite.”

1:47 – Where could these people possibly live?

New Jersey?


Oh, Louisiana?  Really?  That caught me off guard.

1:51 – My eyes have been known to play tricks on me before but I think the responsible sister has a rat tail.  Again, wasn’t expecting that one.

2:33 – Definition of, “I’ve helped her with a lot of stuff in the past.”

– Recorded Swamp People for her without even being asked

– Let her borrow LSU sweatshirt

– Gave her some extra pine straw