Nine People You Will Meet on Facebook

The Self-Confident.

This is the friend that makes some profound statement and then likes his own profound statement.  This is a lot like somebody named Terry Millwood beginning all of his sentences with, “As the great thinker Terry Millwood always says…”

The Photographer.

Was this friend standing next to a 12 foot shark that she just caught?  Was she just a few feet away from reaching the top of Everest?

No and no.

She was standing in front of the mirror.

What was she doing?

Nothing.

Okay, but who took the pictures?

She did.

Continually taking pictures of yourself doing nothing and posting those pictures on Facebook is a close cousin to walking up to every person you see at the mall and asking, “Hey, have you noticed how beautiful I am?”

If The Self-Confident and The Photographer happen to be the same person, unfriend them immediately and call the police.  This person could be the Antichrist.

The Super Religious.  Well, sort of.

This friend is always asking for people to pray for her.  She’s also a fan of “Jesus” and “the Bible.”  There’s even the occasional picture of “Jesus” hugging a soldier/fireman/crab fisherman.  Sadly, this person hasn’t been to church in 3 years.

The Brilliant.

You never have any idea what this guy is talking about.

Kyle Dupay Okay, I’ve finally made the switch from the D-52 modulator to the Tigrys System.  Hopefully adjuster ballasts don’t get overloaded.

Be careful how you respond to these kinds of status updates.  Clicking the like button could be seen as a kind gesture to an old friend or you might just be supporting terrorism.

The Who.

You share 75 mutual friends with this person but you don’t have a clue who he is or how you know him.  This is really bad when you happen to see him in public.

“What’s up, um, Dale?  So, how are things, uh, with, uh, hmmmm.  Farmville!  Yeah.  How are things with Farmville?”

Your Mom.

Your mom loves you and wants to leave you a message telling you how great you are but she just can’t seem to figure it out.  This always leads to her putting her personal message as her status update.

Claire Johnston Lowe Hi son!  I hope that job interview went well today.  I know how much you want to quit the one you have now because of that terrible boss.  If you end up getting evicted you can move back in with us.  We still have your nightlight.

The Truly Blessed.

You should probably block this friend’s status updates in order to protect yourself from breaking the 10th and possibly even the 6th commandment.

Pastor Bill Shinglewood “Wow!  What a day!  I just baptized 4500 former meth addicts and now I’m hanging out at the Grammy’s to see if my latest sermon series wins for best spoken word performance.  Cee Lo Green is one cool dude in person.”

Sybil.

Her morning status update: “Why do some people have to be soooooo difficult.  I don’t know how much more of this I can take.  SMH!!!!! :<”

Her evening status update: “This is the love I’ve waited for all of my life.  Please don’t pinch me because I must be dreaming.”

The Promoter.

This one is the worst of all.

Jay Sanders  Hey, I have a new post up at my blog, jasonlsanders.com.  It’s about Facebook.  You should check it out.  Oh, and tell a friend too.