Just a Few Questions

These are just a few questions that I have.  If you could help me out with the answers it will likely stop my hair from graying, help me put on 10 pounds of muscle and add three or four years to my life expectancy.  No pressure.

First, when is the appropriate time to quit calling your grandparents by the nicknames you gave them as a child?

8-year-old kid: “When I get home from school my Bo Bop and Wookie are picking me up and taking me fishing.”

This is perfectly acceptable.

32-year-old man: “Honey, I’ll be home late tonight.  I’ve gotta drop by Bo Bop and Wookie’s after work.”

Unless Bo Bop and Wookie’s is the name of a chicken wing restaurant something just doesn’t sound right here.  But again, I’m just asking questions.

Here’s another one.

What’s the proper way to respond to a Facebook status like this one?

Lucille McNullty Schramm So thankful to be celebrating my one year anniversary with Hoyt Schramm.  It’s been one tough year for the two of us and even though everyone we know told us not to get married we made it baby.  I’m so sorry I put that restraining order out on you.  I can’t wait until July of 2014 when I get to see you again.  I love you so much baby!  SMH!!!!!!!

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m glad that Lucille and Hoyt have defied the odds and that their marriage has survived for at least a year but is it appropriate for me to hit the like button on this one?  When will Mr. Zuckerberg finally install that I Like Portions of This Status But Much of It Greatly Concerns Me Button?

Just one more for now.

In the cinematic masterpiece Red Dawn, what was up with the communist army that was invading the United States?

In the first two minutes of the movie we learn that the school where Charlie Sheen plays football can’t manage to pave the parking lot or put together a decent football team or stadium.  And yet, all the communist nations in the world decide to merge their powers to rain down their collective wrath on this single A school with a below average football program and a cow pasture for a parking lot.

What were these guys thinking?

“Vladimir, you are a fool for wanting to attack Washington D.C. and New York City.  I say we drag this thing out and start with Calumet, Colorado.  Their football team won a whole 3 games last year so we’ll want to be careful but I think we can do this.”

Please tell me that we haven’t been following this same strategy in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Is there really any wonder that the Wolverines prevailed in this one?  Ooops.  Sorry for the spoiler.

Bruce Willis was a ghost all along.  Man!  There I go again.  My sincerest apologies.

Well anyway, thanks in advance for the help.