The Southern Lexicon 2.0

If you happen to live in some place like Ohio or Michigan and you drove down to Florida for vacation this summer, you had to go through the south before you got to Florida.  There’s a good chance that you even stopped for some gas while you were passing through the south.  If any of the natives talked to you, you probably had no clue what they were saying and that just makes it awkward for everyone involved.

“Dem yunguns gonna want sum Coe-cola?”

“I’m sorry sir.  I did not quite understand what you were saying.  Could you please repeat that?”

(This time louder) “Dem yunguns der gonna want sum Coe-cola?!!”

“…”

Thankfully, there’s The Southern Lexicon 2.0 to keep this kind of a conversation from happening next year.

Coe-cola – Coca-cola

This word is used to refer to any beverage that is not water or sweet tea.  If someone from the south asks you to bring them a Coe-cola your options are many.  But whatever you do, don’t come back with a Pepsi.  Your safest bet is probably going to be Mountain Dew.

“Yee-haw mama!  Look-a-there!  They come back wit da yeller Coe-cola!”

Gotalake – Go to the lake

Southerners aren’t as slow as you thought they were.  This entry into The Southern Lexicon is actually three words in one.

“D. Ray, wut we gon do fer our anniversary?”

“Gotalake.”

“Oh, shoog.  You da best.  I’ll bring da Coe-cola.”

Wrench – Rinse

In Ohio, the tool used for tightening and loosening things is called a wrench.  In the south that’s called a ray-nch.  Southerners reserve the word wrench for what you do to a wash cloth.

“D. Ray, wrench out that rag for me so I can clean this table.  I spilt Coe-cola everywhere.”

Stoop – Bend

In places like New York, I’m told that people sit out on a stoop.  Not in the south.  Down in these parts they do that sort of a thing on a porch.  Stoop is what one does when one has to bend over to pick up something.

“D. Ray, stoop over and pick up your Bo-Bop’s spit cup.  You know she can’t move no good no more.”

Ge-ut – Please leave

This one is used when unwanted animals or family members show up on your property.

“Go on!  Now ge-ut!”

Bally Ball – Volleyball

“Dem Brazilian women on the Olympics is sho ’nuff good at some bally ball.”

Fridge-rate-her – Refrigerator

Only uppity types have refrigerators.  The working family uses a fridge-rate-her.

“D. Ray, get me some mo’ of dem peanuts outta da fridge-rate-her.  I think dey behind da Vi-anna sausage and the batt-rees.”

All Y’all – Every everyone

The word y’all has started to catch on all around the country.  Most Americans know that it refers to two or more people.  But what the rest of the country doesn’t know is that there’s a phrase that you can use while angrily referring to a group of two or more people.

The Calm Southerner: “Thanks for comin’ in y’all.  Now y’all come back now, hear?”

The Angry Southerner: “If y’all don’t shut up while I’m tryin’ to watch reslin’ I’m gonna start stompin’ mud holes in some kids.  And that goes for all y’all!”

See Also: Yalls’s (“If y’all don’t do sump’n ’bout yalls’s chillun’ I will!”)

Mawl – Wal-Mart

Pretty much all of the mall’s in the south have shut down and been replaced by flea markets but that hasn’t stopped southerners from using the word.

“Why’d they put umpteen registers in this here mawl if they’s only gonna use four of ’em?”

Aggravatinest – More Aggravating

When I was a kid I think I had a Sunday School teacher that used this word a lot.

“Y’all is the most aggravatinest group of yung’uns I ever taught.  And I mean all y’all!”

Now, thanks to The Southern Lexicon 2.0 you can stop at Big Jim’s Gas and Guzzle in Deep Step, Georgia with a little less anxiety.

Just don’t buy a Pepsi.