Apocalypse Tomorrow

In case you haven’t heard, somewhere back in history, Maya Angelou wrote a poem about life on our planet coming to an end on December 21, 2012 and put it in a calendar.

The following is a message to the people that will wipe us out in a few hours.  

Thursday, December 20, 2012, 9:30 p.m.

Congratulations on the victory and welcome to the planet!

Before everything came crashing down, I wanted to take the time to type out a few things that I thought you would find beneficial as you learn your way around our old place.  I hope this helps.

I have no idea what planet you’re from but I’m guessing that you’re going to need to eat.  Your best bet is a place called the Golden Corral.  In Georgia, the state where I used to live before you vaporized us, there’s one of these on about every third interstate exit.  Hopefully you left some of them standing but even if you didn’t, the food should still be just fine.

One time, in the third grade, I took home a piece of chicken from the all you can eat buffet at the Golden Corral.  I still have that piece of chicken and it looks exactly the same.  I’m sure that it’s still around my house somewhere.  Help yourself, if you can find it amidst all the rubble.  But you really should do all that you can to get to the actual restaurant because they have one of these.

I know that the sign on the sneeze guard says not to put your hand in the fountain but my friend Shane did it all the time and nobody ever said anything to him.  And besides, you just conquered our planet so you get to do pretty much whatever you want.  Heck, you could even go there in your pajamas if you wanted.  Come to think of it, before y’all attacked us, pretty much everybody that ate at the Golden Corral showed up in their pajamas so things might not be all that different in that regard.

You also need to know that Christmas is just a few days from now.  It would have been nice of you to wait until after this holiday to do us in but I guess that it’s too late to argue about that now.  Anyway, music is a huge part of the Christmas celebration and it’s important that you find the right kind.  Nothing ruins the Christmas season like happy people singing on key and in harmony with each other.  So instead, may I suggest this?

These two ladies were a big sensation on our planet before you guys came.  I’m talking about the biggest thing going.  It brings a tear to my eye as I think back on all the times when my family and I would gather around the fireplace with our hot cocoa and sweaters just to listen to this little ditty.  Hours of Christmas fun!

Well, I hope this helps you to get the most out of our planet.  I hate that things had to end this way.  It would have been nice if we could have gotten to know each other before the attack.

I always knew that not paying any attention to Maya Angelou would come back to haunt me.