An Open Letter to the Future Husbands Living In My House

Dear boys,

When I say the word girlfriend, you both run away screaming. You want nothing to do with one of those. I kind of like that but it won’t last forever. One day you’ll meet a girl that makes your heart race. You’ll try to play it cool around her, and maybe you’ll succeed, but on the inside you’ll be a mess. Eventually you’ll let that girl have your racing heart forever.

But until that day, it’s my job to make sure that you’re ready. And that you pick the right girl to give your heart to. God only gave you one heart and, while it is certain to be broken from time to time as you grow, you’ll want to make sure that it’s in safe hands with your wife. I hope that this advice helps you to find those safe hands.

1. Make sure that she loves Jesus.

I know that I’m being predictable here. I’m a pastor so this is what I’m supposed to tell my sons. But don’t let the predictability fool you. You may meet the most beautiful woman in the world but if she doesn’t know Jesus, she doesn’t really know what love is (1 Corinthians 13). It’s sort of like a piece of fine jewelry pierced through a pig’s nose (Proverbs 11:22). By all means, marry a girl who you are attracted to (Proverbs 5:15-19). Just remember where that beauty really comes from (Mark 7:14-23).

2. Make sure that she honors her father.

If she’s constantly referring to her father as a meth-addicted, wobbly-eyed buzzard, even if he is, she’ll probably end up calling you the same thing, even if you’re not. It’s impossible for me to overemphasize the importance of a peaceful spirit. If you and your wife both have one, it will save you a lot of grief. Build a love nest with a woman who is always looking for a fight or something to complain about and you’ll be better off living alone on the roof of that love nest (Proverbs 21:9). If you want to know if a girl has a peaceful spirit, watch her attitude towards her father. It speaks volumes.

3. Stop looking around.

Remember who the most beautiful girl in the world is. It’s not the plastic lady on the cover of some magazine or the exhibitionist that likes to take off all or most of her clothes for some camera, the boys at the beach or the perverts from the NSA trolling through social media accounts. The most beautiful girl in the world is the one you’ve agreed to spend the rest of your life with. Forget about what your friends say. Their opinion doesn’t matter here.

All other women fail in comparison to a good wife. So stop looking around. Stop wondering (Proverbs 5:15-20).

4. Modesty matters.

If you walked in on the average woman while was in the process of changing clothes, she would most likely reach for the first thing she could find to quickly cover her half-naked body. But that same woman would have no problem walking out into public wearing clothes that leave her, well, half-naked. There will come a time when you’ll want to believe that this is a good thing, that you’ve found that special someone because she has something to show off and is willing to do it. Don’t listen to yourself. Some things are best enjoyed in private and human sexuality is one of them. This goes deeper than style preferences. A woman who wears clothes that shows the world all that she has to offer usually doesn’t have very much to offer.

There will be some girls that you’ll just know to avoid. Something in their eyes will tell you that they like to throw plates and boil live pet rabbits on the stove. Listen to your instincts on this one. Run away. Don’t walk.

But things usually won’t be that easy. Just remember that you’re not alone. I’m here to help. More than that, God has promised to give you his wisdom if you just ask in faith (James 1:5-6). Take him up on that offer. I do and he never fails me.

Boys, this isn’t all there is to be said. Not even close. But it is a start. A good wife is a blessing from God (Proverbs 18:22). But it’s not one of those blessings like rain or sunlight that just comes your way. It’s more like food. You have a little work to do in order to enjoy it.

All of this advice may seem overwhelming. It is a lot to remember so maybe I should wrap it up with just a couple of sentences.

When you start to think about the kind of woman you want to marry, find a beautiful woman whose beauty doesn’t stop with her skin.

To put it another way, if you can somehow manage to marry a woman who is anything like your mother, you’ll do just fine.