That’s it. I’ve had enough.
I’m shutting down my house.
It’s all my wife’s fault.
You see, our kids need things. Lots of things. And, as I’m sure you well know, things cost money. Lots of money.
XBox. That thing costs more than my car did. But the kids need it. What else are we to expect them to fight over?
And Legos too. There’s this box of Legos at the toy store that costs almost $200. Again, that’s more than the value of my car.
So I bought my kids some Legos and an XBox. My wife told me that we didn’t have the money to make that kind of a purchase. We are on a budget, she kept reminding me. Budget, smudget. These kids are in need. Kids! What kind of an adult would willingly keep things from kids? I’ll tell you. A bad one.
Just to be safe, I took a look at our banking account. It turns out that my wife was right. We didn’t have enough money. That’s when I remembered something. Credit. We have a credit card. Credit cards were invented so that you can buy stuff that you don’t have the money to buy. Shame on us if we let such an invention go to waste while our kids do without.
The kids were ecstatic when I came home with their XBoxes (one for each child so as to avoid fighting) and massive Lego boxes (ditto). About a month or so later things weren’t looking too good. That’s the thing about toys. Sure, they bring happiness but it usually only lasts for a few months before the kids start wanting newer, more expensive happiness. That’s the key to parenting. Spare no expense to make your kids happy.
Now there is another problem. We’ve reached our credit limit. Well, sort of. Our limit was a measly $10,000 but I had a piece of mail on my desk from our credit card company offering to increase our credit line to $50,000. $50,000! Do you realize what that says about me? Someone likes me enough to give me $50,000. And think of all of the extra good I could do with that.
Not if my wife gets her way. She refuses to agree to us taking on more debt. She keeps using that word. Debt. I prefer to call it opportunity. Thousands of little opportunities to help our kids. Remember, that’s what this is all about. The kids. And that’s why our house will most likely explode if she doesn’t let me increase our debt limit by the end of this week.
So until she comes around to my way of thinking, I’m shutting down the house. The XBoxes and Legos are locked away in a closet. There’s a blanket over the TV. I’ve put a fence around the bathroom. My kids won’t be allowed to look at the sky above my house. They just have to keep walking with their heads down while I remind them that the sun is mine, not theirs.
“You didn’t build that! Look at the ground. Stop enjoying the sun’s beautiful rays!”
I know that this sounds like I’m making things painful for my children. Yeah, that’s sort of the point. How else are they supposed to see that none of this is my fault? How else will my wife finally get the message that a failure to increase our family’s line of credit is cruel and selfish? How else will we escape the catastrophe that comes with not having a little extra money that was never mine to begin with?
In the meantime, while I wait for my wife to get the message, I’ve got my eye on the perfect device for increasing the amount of folding money I can carry around with me and hand out to my kids.