Thanksgiving is coming up. For most of us that means a lot of good food with family and friends. For the Detroit Lions it means the beating of their lives on national television. But for a select few folks, it means enduring several agonizing hours of awkward conversations with even more awkward family members.
Whenever Aunt Agnes decides to tell you that you should have married “that nice fella you dated in the seventh grade instead of that slob sitting next to you” or how you look like you’ve put on a few pounds, you no longer have to wish for that perfect comeback. Just let the movies be your guide. That way, if you get into trouble, you can just blame it on Hollywood. Win, win!
To help you get started, here are a few examples of potential awkward quotes from those even more awkward family members along with the solid selection of theatrical responses at your disposal.
Agnes, no one’s quite sure how she’s related to the rest of the family but they all just do what she says anyway: “I’ve gone to the trouble of giving everyone assigned seats. You can sit over at the card table in the corner.”
Cousin Billy and his six pet cats: “I think we’ll stay for a few more days. After all, the leftovers are the best part.”
Tonya, your super picky niece: “The chili tastes a little gamey. What’s in it?”
A few of the ladies: “We’re going to need someone to go to the store while the rest of us finish watching this Christmas movie on the Hallmark Channel.”
Your Great Grandma, the one who, 40 years ago, stopped caring about the words that come out of her mouth: “It looks like you’ve put on a good twenty pounds since last year. And you’ve started going bald. Oh, but you look so happy.”
Kennedy, your know it all nephew who just finished his first semester at some big time university out on the west coast: “Look, I don’t know what all of the fuss is about. I think the Affordable Care Act is great!”
You can thank me later.
Oh, and my sincerest apologies if you can’t think of any awkward friends or relatives and people keep quoting movie lines to you.
See you in December.