1. Two weekends ago I saw the original Karate Kid. One weekend ago I watched Pretty In Pink with my wife. If you take out Ralph Machio and the karate parts from the Karate Kid and replace them with Molly Ringwald and scenes about fashion designing you have Pretty In Pink. If you watch these two movies at the same time while listening to Pink Floyd, our planet will be sucked into a black hole. Al Gore should do something to protect us from this potential disaster.
2. I need to start watching better movies.
3. I used to wonder why my grandfather seemed to care less and less about professional sports as he grew older. Now that my kids are playing little league and every pro sports franchise in Atlanta is trying to get tax payers to build them a newer building, I think I see why.
4. All the auto correction in the world won’t keep me from misspelling neccesarry. Knowing the language of origin never helps either.
5. The Spelling Bee was on ESPN last night. The following is the greatest moment in Spelling Bee history.
In second place is this little “secret message.”
6. There should be a Celebrity Spelling Bee. I’d like to see Rasheed Wallace in it just for his reaction when he gets a word wrong and has to sit down.
7. My own private research has determined that it is now harder to earn a failing grade in high school than it is to pass.
8. Pastors, here are three terrible ways to start off your sermon.
“I’d like to start off this morning with an interpretive dance to one of my favorite Bob Seger songs.”
“This is my Bible…”
“I got more rhymes than the Bible’s got Psalms.”
9. As a general rule of thumb, if the movie is about a horse, it’s not going to be a very good movie. I don’t mean to be so harsh. Just trying to save you a few bucks.
10. Remember when that airplane disappeared a few months back? How are we still not talking about this? What kind of a world do we live in where an airplane vanishes in the middle of the sky and a few weeks later nobody cares that it still hasn’t been found? I miss the good old days when life was a lot less like an episode of G.I. Joe.
11. People on Facebook should have to pay a $35 fine for writing sentences that begin with, “That awkward moment when…”
12. I feel sorry for the people I see who are still driving around with Obama bumper stickers on their cars. They’re sort of like the guy who got “Vanderbilt Commodores: 2013 BCS Champs” tattooed on his forehead. Some things are just too hard to get rid of, I guess.
13. A few years ago, everyone was making fun of this song.
Now, every song on top 40 radio sounds just like it. Maybe Rebecca Black was really a genius. Well, either that or top 40 radio is just dumb.
14. Anyone who supported Obamacare has no right to be outraged over the VA scandal.
15. If you are a new parent and you are wondering if you need to change your baby’s diaper, just know this. You should have changed it about three minutes ago. Changing your baby’s diaper is always necesserry.