The Devil’s Diary: Strategies For Getting The Christians To Shut Up


Thursday, May 1, 2014

The Christians keep getting in my way.

It’s time to rethink my strategy.

I don’t have a problem with all of the Christians. The ones who just call themselves Christians but never actually follow Jesus aren’t a problem at all. I’ve got them right where I want them – attending the occasional church service and living good moral lives. It’s just maintenance mode for them. As long as I can keep them convinced that their good deeds are sufficient, they’ll be with me soon enough.

But it’s the real Christians who are giving me all of the trouble.

My servants keep thinking that we can kill them off, scare them off or use some government mandate to bully them into silence. This rarely works. All it does is make them stronger. It’s like a kid kicking dandelions thinking that he’s getting rid of weeds when all he’s really doing is making the problem worse.

I think that it’s time to turn the brute force down a notch or two and go with a more subtle approach.

I’ll start by making Christianity cool.

I’ll give a few of the more outspoken Christians a bigger platform. I’ll do what I can to make sure that they succeed in athletics, entertainment and politics. And with that success, I’ll send a lot of perks in their direction. I’ll make sure that they are liked, well-fed and rich. Very rich.

All under one condition. They have to shut up about Jesus and his kingdom.

When they are tempted to speak that garbage about Jesus being the only way, I’ll convince them that they’re being ignorant and intolerant. I have plenty of people to help me with that task.

When they attempt to speak truth on a particular topic, I’ll remind them of all of the followers they will lose and all of the endorsement dollars it will cost them.

If one somehow manages to break through and say something I don’t like, I’ll work harder to make sure that his own people, his fellow Christians, will discredit him and mock him for not saying it the way they would have said it. Nothing is better than getting the enemy to do my work for me.

Once the celebrities are quiet, I’ll go after the common folks.

I’ll allow them to voice an opinion and fight against some social issues. Just as long as opposition to those social issues is generic enough that anyone could do it. Just as long as their opposition is rooted in “what’s good for society” or their favorite political party’s platform rather than Jesus’ kingdom. So they’ll carry on with their ending of sex slavery, feeding the poor and helping other fools in need. But they won’t do it in Jesus’ name. And I’ll be fine with that.

I’ll keep them so busy worrying about themselves that they won’t even notice what I’m doing in their own communities. I already have a man positioned in one church that has caused me many problems. In another week or two, he’ll have those fools so worried about the color of the carpet in their beautiful new building that they won’t have time to say anything about my destruction just outside of their walls. By the end of the month, if things go my way, that once threatening church will be too busy fighting against each other to fight against me.

I hate it when Christians start to examine themselves. But I sure do love it when they skip the self-examination all together in favor of examining one another. I still like to count all of the people who are here with me because of strategies like that one.

Finally, I’ll go to the pastors. I’m never going to get them to shut up. But I can try to change what they talk about.

I’ll make them work hard to shut down liquor stores in their towns. I’ll turn their pulpits into places to promote their books and campaign stops for politicians. And I’ll convince them that this is, “the Lord’s work.” I love that phrase. So much of my work is done under that heading. Their congregations and the communities they live in won’t know what to think. Before long, they’ll start to associate the closing of liquor stores and voting for the right candidate with the gospel itself. That’s when I’ll know that I’ve succeeded – when churches start to talk about the gospel without ever really talking about the gospel.

Lions, prisons and firing squads are only for short term thrills. They really are more self-defeating than anything. Prosperity. Popularity. Power.

That’s where the money’s at.

That’s what will finally get the Christians to shut up.