The Week That Was: Obama, Mascot Changes And Vacation Bible School

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No Shred Of Evidence In The IRS Scandal

Here’s what we know. The IRS targeted specific groups who were considered unfriendly to the Obama administration. Here’s what we don’t know. What did Lois Lerner and other IRS officials write to one another in e-mails? And we likely never will. That’s because the hard drives of all the computers used in this conspiracy were “recycled.”

Don’t you love how the government uses nice, friendly words to describe their corruption? We didn’t destroy e-mails. We recycled them! There’s no corruption here! Just us going green. Hooray for recycling!

Next year, I’m trying this one out.

“Mr. Sanders, it appears that you failed to turn your taxes in by the proper time.”

“It’s not that I failed to turn them in. It’s just that I recycled them. They’re in tiny pieces over there in the blue bin with the progressive looking triangle on the side of it.”

If there’s one thing that we’ve learned from our government it’s that you can’t argue with environmental friendliness. I’m going to save thousands next year!

The Truth About The Obama Presidency

The middle east is a bigger disaster than it ever has been. Our own border is no longer a border. There’s a new scandal from the White House every week. Just one of those scandals would have been enough to sink any other president. Obama has ten of them and somehow manages to survive.

The events in and involving our nation should lead any unbiased observer to conclude that our president is guilty of either gross incompetence or high crimes and misdemeanors. Here’s the scary part. Obama is far too intelligent to be guilty of this level of gross incompetence.

Federal Government Steals The Redskins 

It looks like the Washington Redskins are going to have to change their name. If I were Daniel Snyder, the team’s owner, I’d voluntarily change the team mascot to something more in line with the city that the team represents. Maybe the Washington Purposeful Losers of Self-Indicting E-mails. Or how about the Washington Patriot Haters? The Washington Scandalz? We could even put a picture of Harry Reid wearing an eye patch on the side of their newly improved, concussion proof, environmentally friendly helmets. Look out, Raiders!

Sadly, we’ll never see the team switch to names like that. Most likely the president will issue an executive order mandating that we all start calling the Redskins something like the One Worlders, The Globalists, The Banksters or The Unity.

It’s not hard to imagine the Washington Redskins becoming the Washington Unity.

But all this will do is make us get the Washington professional football team mixed up with the Washington professional women’s basketball team. Actually, that probably already happens more than the Redskins care to admit.

I do like the idea of teams having names that match their identity. I can’t remember the last time I saw a Royal in Kansas City. Or a Red in Cincinnati. What am I even supposed to be looking for? It’s all so confusing. My new team names won’t be any less offensive but they will help to keep things in order for the frustrated sports fan.

Here are a few examples.

Major League Baseball

The Atlanta We Will Build A New Stadium And You Will Like It And Pay For It, People of Marietta

The New York Yankees Are My Favorite Team Even Though I’ve Never Been Within a 200 Mile Radius of New York City

The Cleveland Mathematically Eliminated From Playoff Contention An Hour Or So After Opening Day


The Miami I Bet You Won’t Be Wearing Our Jersey After We Let Lebron Go


The Dallas If It Wasn’t For Us ESPN Wouldn’t Have Anything To Talk About

The Atlanta Our City Has More Apartment Fires, Standardized Test Cheating Scandals And Night Club Shootings Than Your City (With The Exception Of Memphis)

College Football

The Florida State We Weren’t Aware That Grand Theft And Assault Were Illegal In This State

The Auburn We’re Glad That Grand Theft And Assault Are Illegal At The University of Georgia. Where Else Would We Get Our Quarterbacks From?

That one rolls off the tongue doesn’t it?

If you happen to be the proud owner of a Washington Redskins shirt or jacket, hang on to it. It’s going to be worth something in another year or so. Just don’t get caught with it or you might get shipped off to a reeducation center in Cuba where you’ll be forced to cheer for the Guantanamo Bay Terrorist Traders.

On second thought, maybe you should just recycle all of your Redskins gear.

Vacation Bible School

On Thursday night I taught three children’s Bible classes at Vacation Bible School. By the time I was done I felt like I had fought in a 15-round fight and directed traffic on 285 in Atlanta. At the same time.

I won’t go so far as to call it impossible but it was tough.

Which gives me an idea.

We should find a way to make Lois Lerner teach Vacation Bible School non-stop until she turns over her incriminating e-mails. My guess is that we’d have all the answers we needed within a week.

But that kind of punishment would be cruel and unusual.

To the children at Vacation Bible School.