USA! America!

Unless you just hate America, you’re going to want to include this little video in your 4th of July festivities.

Also, I think that we can all pretty much agree that had this video been played right before our soccer match with Belgium things would have turned out much differently.

0:15 – If I’m following this right, there’s supposed to be some kind of a terrorist attack happening in the sky. And on this guy’s Dream Team jersey.

0:33 – Ghosts on the beach!

0:44 – This is how the USA does oil spills!

0:52 – Can we possibly get some more Photoshopped imagery in this shot? Even one of the clouds looks like a mouse. A mouse from the USA no doubt.

0:57 – “Hey, do we have a pole to put the flag on?”

“No. Just put it on the side of that cliff. It’s what the founders would want.”

1:10 – Weird guy on the playground in 3, 2, 1…

“Teachers, we are going into lockdown mode. There is a man in a Dream Team jersey walking around the playground singing about the USA and throwing magic light on kids. Please remain under your desks with your students until further notice. The chair is against the wall.”

1:28 – Why isn’t Tim Howard’s face on that mountain? I want answers!

1:34 – I think that we’re supposed to assume that this woman’s husband died in a war. By the looks of that tombstone, it must have been the Civil War.

1:56 – This video is patriotic and all but what it really needs is a random cameo from a sea nymph.

2:05 – Goosed by an angel.

2:34 – The look on his face can double as the You-Boys-Are-Being-Silly-Face that your mom used to give you as well as the Man-I-Love-This-Country-And-If-You-Don’t-You’re-Just-Gonna-Have-To-Deal-With-It-Face.

This video lasted for a little over three minutes. The closing credits also last for three minutes. The closing credits for Saving Private Ryan didn’t last for three minutes.