Hey. How’s it going? Have you been okay? Look, I’m sorry you haven’t heard from me in a while. I’ve just needed some time away.
Things haven’t been okay between us for a while. It’s like you’re trying to take over my life. Nothing is fun anymore. It’s all lies, empty threats, slanted stories and hype. I’d love to say that it’s not me, it’s you but I can’t. It really is you. So I’m calling it quits between us before you start to effect me anymore than you already have.
News Media, I’m breaking up with you.
Don’t worry. We can still be friends. I’ll check in to read you quite often. But I just can’t watch you anymore. Or listen to you. The yelling is just too much. It’s making me nervous.
It’s been a few days since I’ve seen you or heard your voice. A lot has changed with me in that time. I feel less tense. I’m not constantly wondering if I’m being lied to. Life is a little easier.
But I’m sure that nothing has changed with you. The Republicans and Democrats still aren’t getting along. Or maybe they’re getting along too well. I forget. Everything from movie awards to the Grammy’s to the First Lady’s trip to Target is about race. You’re always talking about that. And, of course, there’s still the usual murders and robberies.
I hate to say it like this. I really don’t mean to be rude. But I don’t miss you. I’ve enjoyed the extra time listening to music. It’s been nice processing events on my own instead of having you trying to tell me what to think or what a bad person I am for thinking like I do.
Look, I just don’t think that we were meant to be together. At least not as much as we have been in the past. But you’ll be okay. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. Believe me. And besides, you’ll manage to stay busy getting your helicopter shot down and rescuing puppies from burning buildings.
A while back I heard a pastor say that if you really want to reduce the amount of tension in your life, cut back on how much news you watch and listen to. I’m only a few days in but so far, that pastor is looking like a genius. There is so much more to life when there is less of you.
So I guess that this is goodbye. There’s a book waiting for me. And you’ve got a lot of yelling, accusing, name-calling and finger-pointing to do.
So let’s just be friends.
Distant friends. The kind that only communicate through the written word.
Don’t take this the wrong way, but it would be fine with me if I never saw or heard you again.
So long, News Media. Thanks for the memories. I guess.