You’ve been doing things wrong all along. Here are four life hacks that are guaranteed to change your life.
1. Avoid snakebites.
It’s that time of year. Snakes are everywhere. But you don’t have to be scared whenever you step outside or decide to take a walk through the woods. Instead of running away, the next time you see a snake, start singing and rub it on the back of the head. The combination of the touching sensation and the sound of music completely immobilizes venomous snakes.
2. Fight off that summer cold.
If winter is the time for the flu, summer is the time when many people get that nagging cough and congestion that just won’t go away. The natural home remedy has been under your nose all along. To fight off summer colds, mix two cups of antifreeze with one ounce of bleach and drink every night before you go to bed. The cold will stay away and you’ll sleep like never before.
3. Protect yourself during a house fire.
Should you find yourself caught in a structure fire, forget about running outdoors. You could fall down the stairs and then you’ve got a whole new set of problems. Instead, at the first sign of smoke, get as low to the floor as possible. Smoke prefers heights. As quickly as you can, crawl to the nearest closet to wait out the fire. Fire needs fuel to grow and larger rooms provide more of that sort of thing. You’ll be just fine in the closet.
4. Beat the bears.
Bears haven’t started hibernating yet so if you decide to go camping, there’s a good chance that you will encounter a mother and her cubs. If so, don’t panic. And don’t run away. Before leaving for that summer nature hike, rub fish all over your clothes. Bears hate the smell of fish. Also, run toward the cubs as quickly as you can. The mama bear will assume that you are eager to help her with her babies and will leave you alone.
In reality, these life hacks are suicidal, not helpful. If you have any shred of common sense, you probably winced as you read these. You certainly didn’t believe any of them. Or try them out on your kids. I hope.
You didn’t put these life hacks into practice because you know that any one of them would kill you. To put it another way, you didn’t follow my advice because, deep down, you know that truth matters.
Truth matters when it comes to playing with cubs after having rubbed fish all over your clothes. You will die.
Truth matters when it comes to hiding in a closet during a structure fire. You will burn.
Truth matters when singing to and petting rattlesnakes. They can’t hear your music and they don’t want to be touched. They will bite you and maybe even kill you.
And truth matters when drinking bleach and antifreeze. Your body treats them as poisons. You will die.
Unless you are a progressive who cares more about relevance than truth. You would be foolish to believe that singing to rattlesnakes protects you from harm. But, somehow, you are just being open-minded when you deny the Bible’s truth claims. And you like being open-minded. So you talk a lot about a Jesus who only cared about love and wasn’t so concerned with truth because, well, truth gets in the way of love.
The problem is, this Jesus doesn’t exist.
Jesus never simply spoke the truth. He is the Truth.
Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6 (ESV)
And while Jesus is love, he never treated love and truth as mutually exclusive. Rather, his truth claims were an extension of his love.
“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves.” Matthew 7:15 (ESV)
Jesus says a lot in that one sentence. Yes, love matters. And so does truth. If not, Jesus would have said something along the lines of, “Find your own truth and embrace it passionately.” But he didn’t. Instead, he let us know that there is a difference between truth and lies. And the difference is a matter of life and death. It was Jesus’ love that compelled him to warn people away from those lying wolves in sheep’s clothing.
You would never tell someone to sing to a rattlesnake while rubbing it on the back of the head, even if that person really loved rattlesnakes and self-identified as a snake-handler. That’s because, deep down inside, you know that truth matters more than self-identity and feeling.
And, deep down inside, you know that there’s nothing loving about putting truth to the side while lies destroy.
Believing soothsaying fables about snakes, bears, stomach aches and fires will cost you.
But they will only bring you harm in this life.
Believing popular reinterpretations about Jesus will cost you as well.
But believing the wolves in sheep’s clothing will do you harm for all eternity.
That’s because the truth matters.
So be careful who you listen to.
Thus says the LORD of hosts: “Do not listen to the words of the prophets who prophesy to you, filling you with vain hopes. They speak visions of their own minds, not from the mouth of the LORD. They say continually to those who despise the word of the LORD, ‘It shall be well with you’; and to everyone who stubbornly follows his own heart, they say, ‘No disaster shall come upon you.’” For who among them has stood in the council of the LORD to see and to hear his word, or who has paid attention to his word and listened?Jeremiah 23:16-18 (ESV)