Public Restrooms And The Most Easily Offended Group In The Country

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The LGBT crowd has officially become the most easily offended group in the country. Last week, they were offended by Roland Emmerich’s new movie Stonewall because the gays depicted in it were too white. This week, Matt Damon was the one doing all of the offending when he suggested that gay actors not make such a big deal about coming out of the closet. Damon had to go on TV and talk to Ellen to clear things up. I think that the conversation went something like this.

Damon: “Forgive me, Ellen. I have offended gay actors.”

Ellen: “Go to two Elton John concerts and watch the Bravo channel for 3 hours and you shall be forgiven.”

Finally, former baseball star Lance Berkman is being called a bully. He recently spoke out against Proposition 1, a Houston city ordinance allowing transgendered individuals to use whatever bathroom they want. Berkman had the nerve to suggest that he didn’t want his four daughters sharing bathrooms, showers and locker rooms with men. Oh the nerve! What kind of a close-minded freak wouldn’t want his daughters in a stall next to a man in a dress?

I don’t understand the fascination with people wanting to be in bathrooms that they were not designed to be in.

I spent a short amount of time in high school working as a janitor. One of the places that I had to clean was a warehouse. In that warehouse, there were two bathrooms, one for the men and one for the women. Guess which bathroom was dirtier. I’ll give you a hint. It rhymes with lemons. Fellas, you’re not missing anything. Stick to your own restroom.

If you’ve ever been to a movie or a sporting event, there’s something that I’m sure you have noticed on your way to the parking lot. There is always a bathroom line that has at least 4,289 people in it. That would be the line for the ladies room. Ladies, can you imagine how much worse your line will get when you add in a dozen or so men wearing dresses?

There is another interesting phenomenon when it comes to ladies and their restrooms. When a large group is eating together in a public place and one woman has to go to the restroom, every other woman at the table goes with her. Guys, they do this so they can talk about how much real food they’re going to eat when they get home and so they can make fun of that thing hanging from your nose without hurting your feelings. Ladies, how would you feel if the next time you were at Applebee’s and you and all of your girlfriends made a run for the restroom, the guy with the thing hanging from his nose got up and followed you in?

Sometimes at my church, I have to go through the building and turn out all of the lights after everyone else is gone. I’ve noticed a few things about the ladies room. First, it’s much cleaner than that one I had to clean at that warehouse all of those years ago and second, there’s a table in there. A table. Men don’t usually have tables in their restrooms. That’s because someone would eventually put the transmission from a ’89 Buick on it. Men are notorious for putting random things on empty tables. Ladies, do you want the transmission from an ’89 Buick on the table in your restrooms? Of course not. You want baskets full of potpourri on that table. Well, if you want to keep it that way, keep the men out of your restrooms.

Females, you of all people, should be the most opposed to the blurring of bathroom borders.

But really, we should all be against it. That’s because no matter how hard our cultures tries to change it, there really is a difference between men and women. Nowhere is that more evident than in our restrooms.

And I think we should keep it that way.

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