A Short List Of What You Can And Cannot Get Away With In Our Brave New World

This post was originally published on this site in 2013.

Things that are perfectly acceptable for celebrities, politicians and other really rich types to do whenever they please.

1. Hammer-licking on basic cable.

2. Twerking with a dude wearing a Beetlejuice suit.

3. Calling for the extermination of up to one half of the population.

4. Determining that human beings are not viable until they reach their second birthday.

5. Lying about healthcare.

6. Lying about terrorist attacks.

7. Using the IRS to terrorize American citizens.

8. Using the N-Word.

9. Killing people in your car because you were too drunk to navigate a curve.

10. Classifying all people who disagree with you as terrorists.

Things that are unacceptable for celebrities, politicians and regular folks. No exceptions. 

1. Manger scenes.

2. Saying that homosexuality is a sin.

3. Saying that you do not personally understand homosexuality.

4. Speaking in a southern accent.

5. Guns.

6. Moving dirt from one location on your private property to another location on your private property.

7. Refusing to use your own money to provide your employees with abortifacients.

8. Questioning the idea of global warming as you attempt to shovel ten feet of snow off of your driveway.

9. Questioning the concept of buying groceries, phones and medicine for people who have never worked and never care to work.

10. Getting on an airplane without being removed from your wheelchair and checked for explosives, guns, knives, Bibles and other contraband.

Did I leave anything out?

Leave a Reply