Being a parent can be difficult but now there’s help. Instead of doing the hard work of instilling character into your children, just train them up in the discipline and instruction of a presidential candidate.
The Trump Approach
My son had to give a presentation in front of his class on Thursday morning. He spent a week or so doing all of the reading. Earlier in the week I helped him put everything together so that it would all flow smoothly on the big day. But none of that helped on the morning of the presentation. He wasn’t his usual, bouncy self. Instead, he walked around the house like he had seen a ghost.
He was nervous.
So I had a talk with him.
I told him that the teacher who would be grading his presentation wasn’t fair. She wasn’t a top notch educator. In fact, she was out to get him. And then I convinced him to just skip the presentation, stay at home and watch M*A*S*H reruns. For the veterans, of course.
The Bernie Approach
The next time your kids argue over wanting more of something, do not yell at them. Do not even correct them. Just give them more of what they want. But, you might ask, how is a parent supposed to pay for all of this?
Just go next door, force the parents over there to raise the allowance they give to their children and then take that extra money to make your little angels’ every wish come true. When the money runs out next door, just keep moving down the street. When all of the money is gone, turn the entire street into a prison camp and call it economic equality.
See how simple that was?
Feel the Bern!
The Hillary Approach
Don’t worry yourself with what your kids are fighting about, struggling with or suffering from. All of that is beneath you. Let them eat cake.
But know this. Inevitably, because of your neglect, something terrible will happen. When it does, just let out a creepy laugh, keep saying, “What difference at this point does it make!” and blame the whole thing on a YouTube video. I suggest the one where those folks in Alabama are looking for a leprechaun.
You may not like the presidential candidates but they’re all rich, powerful and on TV a lot. And after all, isn’t that every parent’s goal for their children? Simply following the example of some of our country’s most talked about politicians may not make your kids rich or powerful but I can guarantee you that it will eventually land your kids on television.
Or on a YouTube video looking for a leprechaun.