The Last Thing We Want

Does God really love you? If he does, why does he allow bad things to happen to you? Is it too much to ask for a life that is sanitized from all of the evil and suffering in this world?

Here’s a better question. It’s one that we rarely ask. What if the good that you wanted, you know, the sanitized life, was actually the worst thing for you?

Consider Michael Ham.

When he was 3-years-old, he had what appeared to be the symptoms of dehydration. He just wasn’t himself. So his parents took him to a doctor. His parents took every precaution in making sure that their son was healthy. Antibacterial soap, hand sanitizer, you name it. When Michael saw the doctor, he got more of the same. Antibiotics. No questions asked. Get well soon, kid.

Only Michael didn’t get well soon.

He almost died.

Michael’s problem wasn’t an infection. He didn’t have a virus or some rogue bacteria causing his sickness. It was quite the opposite. He didn’t have enough bacteria.

All of the hand sanitizers, antibacterial soaps and antibiotics were killing both the good and the bad bacteria in Michael’s body. And he got sick. Doctors call it CDiff.

Finally, Michael’s parents found a good doctor. This one wasn’t content with merely pumping the child full of more antibiotics. He tried something new. Something experimental. Something gross.

The doctor decided that Michael needed someone else’s stool in his body. For those of you who aren’t medically inclined, stool here refers to human waste, not the thing you sit on at the bar in your kitchen. To be blunt, Michael was overly sanitized. It was killing him. And the best thing for him at that moment was a little bit of his brother’s poop.

So that’s what he got.

And it saved his life.

Poop from his brother was the very last thing that Michael’s mom and dad wanted for their son. If you are a parent, you know that this kind of thing is the enemy. You do whatever you can to maintain proper, shall I say, stool control, among you kids. The transferral of poop is the last thing parents want among their children. But sometimes the very last thing we want is the best thing for us.

Spiritually speaking, I’m an antibacterial soap, hand sanitizer, antibiotic kind of person. I want things to be clean. I want sanitation from the evil and suffering around me. But I rarely stop to consider the possibility that having those wishes come true could be the worst thing for me. Just like in Michael’s case, they could give me a false sense of security. One where my life is so squeaky clean that I don’t sense my real need. Until it’s too late.

I lived an hour or so away from my mom right before she died. Once a week, usually on a Thursday, I would make the long drive to see her. Those Thursdays felt more like Sundays. It was like I was having church in my car. I always listened to music that made me think about Jesus. I listened to a ton of sermons, most of them dealing with the goodness of God and suffering. My mom’s sickness made my heart heavy. But something else was happening to my heart.

God was working to make me love, know and trust him more.

And I’m not the only one. Many people say that their most significant times of growth or the times that they have been the most overwhelmed by the love of God was during periods of suffering.

I don’t know why God allows drunk drivers to kill young fathers and mothers. I don’t have any detailed answers for the family wondering what to do after a cancer diagnosis. I don’t have a clue what God is doing with Ebola right now.

But here’s what I do know.

God is working.

And his work is rarely as clean as we would like for it to be.

That’s a good thing.

Because sometimes the last thing we want is the thing that’s keeping us alive.

Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.”

In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong.

Job 1:20-22 (ESV)

 

 

 

Something To Cheer About

You wanted to cheer. You really did. It’s just that there was no reason to cheer. Some of the other parents had reasons to cheer. Their sons made diving catches and hit long fly balls over the fence. But not yours. He just sort of hung out in right field. Picking grass. And his nose.  Ah, the joys of high school baseball.

Maybe the problem isn’t your kid’s talent, or lack thereof. Maybe it has more to do with you. What if there really is a lot to cheer for? What if you’re just looking in the wrong direction?

Your daughter won’t be earning any college scholarships for her basketball talent. She does have something better going for her. Something that will have a greater impact on her future. But she might walk away from it if she doesn’t hear you cheering. She might think that sports is all that really matters and, therefore, she doesn’t really matter.

Your daughter cares about purity. She’s far from perfect but she cares about herself. More than that, she cares what you think. That’s why, when a boy asks her out on a date, she tells him to talk to her dad first.

That’s something to cheer about.

It works the same for your little boy. He’s not the best player on his team. He spends as much time on the bench as he does in the game. And he seems okay with that. He’s much more okay with it than you are.

But something happened after the game. On the way inside for the ritual post game ice cream celebration, he holds the door open for his mother and the three people coming in after her. Later that day, when you’re unloading groceries, he asks what he can do to help.

That’s something to cheer about.

During a sporting event, most of our cheering is done from the sidelines at the top of our lungs. It may or may not be heard by our intended target. Sometimes it’s best that it is not.

The rest of life should work differently. When your ten-year-old little boy holds the door open for a stranger, he doesn’t need to hear your cheer as loud as you can. He needs you to pull him to the side and tell him what a good job he did. He needs you to tell him that what he did was what real men do.

And when your older daughter changes clothes without rolling her eyes because her mom and dad tell her that her dress will get her all kinds of attention that she doesn’t need, she needs you to celebrate that. She needs to know that you are proud. She needs to hear that her future is bright, with or without a scholarship.

By all means, when your kid scores a touchdown, cheer. Cheer as loud as you can. He has accomplished something significant and he’s on his way to becoming a real football player. Your cheers can be a small part of what helps him to get there.

Just don’t forget to cheer for what he does off the field too. Moving toward that kid in his class who everyone else is ignoring and sharing a meal with him in the cafeteria is also a significant accomplishment. He’s on his way to becoming a real man. Your cheers will be a  big part of what helps him to get there.

The Monday Morning Quarterback

We begin this week’s edition of the Monday Morning Quarterback with breaking news.

The NFL season has been cancelled. Due to the fact that they are now 5 and 1, the NFL, in conjunction with ESPN, has decided to give the Dallas Cowboys a spot in this season’s Super Bowl. The remaining games of the season will be scrimmages. Next week, the Cowboy’s game against the Giants will be the game of the week. On every network. Even HGTV. The NFL, ESPN and the United Nations are still working together to determine Dallas’ opponent in the Super Bowl. So far, the Yankees and Notre Dame are believed to be the frontrunners. I’ll keep you posted.

The next time one of my fellow Georgia fans starts talking to you about how Mark Richt should be fired, wait for him to sober up and show him a replay of Saturday’s game against Missouri. The Bulldogs were playing without Todd Gurley and they still managed to shut out a top 25 SEC opponent while scoring nearly 40 points. Saturday’s game was probably Richt’s finest accomplishment as a coach.

In case you didn’t know, Todd Gurley was suspended for selling some of his football gear. Early reports indicate that he got somewhere around $400 for his troubles. $400! I blame all of this on Todd Gurley. It’s his fault for going to a school that takes those kinds of things seriously. Had he just decided to play college football in the state of Florida or at Auburn, he’d still be playing today. Heck, he’d probably even get an extra sticker on his helmet for providing the team with extra money to cover court costs for the quarterback.

Dear Cialis,

Enough with the commercials already. Some of us are trying to watch the game with our five-year-olds and don’t really feel as though now is the time to explain the dysfunctions your product aims to treat to our little ones. 

Sincerely,

Football Dads Everywhere

Ohio State is starting to scare me. They got beat early in the year and I thought that we wouldn’t be hearing much more out of them. But thanks to a streak of games against Elon, North Dakota Tech and Dumptruck County Industrial School for Boys the Buckeyes are starting to move back up in the top 25. Ohio State is sort of like Mitt Romney. They’ve been beaten already and despite being bad for America, they just won’t go away.

Georgia Tech lost a tough one to Duke. Tech fans shouldn’t feel bad about this one. I mean, it is Duke. There is no shame in losing to one of the more storied programs in college basketball history. Hang on a second, my wife is trying to tell me something.

It appears that I was mistaken. Georgia Tech lost to Duke in a football game. Wait just a minute. Duke has a football team? When did this happen? Georgia Tech should be ashamed of themselves.

Until next week, happy footballing!

Man, It’s Good To Be Back

Man, it’s good to be back.

A few weeks ago something attacked my website. Since then, I’ve spent somewhere around 98.2 hours on the phone with customer service representatives. A lot of them were really good and blew me away with their knowledge and friendliness. The rest are former IRS employees.

Not having a place to write has been tough. There’s been a lot going on and I’ve had a lot to say. Here’s a brief summary of some of the things I’ve missed.

1. With each passing day, The Walking Dead is ceasing to be a TV show and becoming more of a visual preparedness manual for how to survive after a catastrophe. Now I really feel out of the loop for not watching that show. On the bright side, I do own a crossbow so I’ve got that going for me.

2. I’m working on my first book. It’s going to be called Your Kid Needs Help! and it’s about parenting. When it comes out, I hope that you’ll buy a copy. Or five. Also, if you know someone famous who can write something like the following for the front cover, I would be greatly indebted to you.

“Jay Sanders is a comedic and parental genius. You really need to buy this book.” – The crossbow guy from The Walking Dead

I think that has a nice ring to it.

3. Over the past few days I’ve seen a video of a black man getting tasered by police officers for not getting out of his car and another video of a black man getting shot by a police officer for obeying a command to get back into his car. Both men’s automobiles were pulled over for the egregious act of the people inside not wearing seatbelts. Who knew that that’s what they were talking about when they told us that buckling up saves lives? I think that most police officers are good. But I also think that people should stand up and speak up about the ones who are not. Just because you happen to be a white seatbelt wearer doesn’t mean that this problem doesn’t matter.

4. I’m reading a bunch of short biographies with my son. So far, we’ve read about Bruce Lee, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln. This has led to some of the best conversations I have ever had with my son. If you are able to, try reading books with your kids and talking about them together. So far, Thomas Jefferson is my favorite president. Bruce Lee is in second place.

But I better cool it with all of the political talk.

I don’t want to get shut down again.

Man, it’s good to be back.

Is Suicide The Unpardonable Sin?

It’s always interesting to hear people talk about things in the Bible that aren’t actually in the Bible. Like that time when Moses told us that cleanliness is next to godliness. Or Jesus’ parable about Johnny beating up the devil with a fiddle. 

But there’s another statement from the Bible that isn’t actually in the Bible. And this one is much more painful.

Over the past few years, we’ve seen a lot of suicides in the news. Celebrities have killed themselves. Even pastors of large churches have done it. And it forces many people to ask a familiar question.

Will Christians who kill themselves still go to heaven? Doesn’t the Bible say that suicide is the unpardonable sin?

To be fair, the Bible does speak of what some call an unpardonable sin.

And the scribes who came down from Jerusalem were saying, “He is possessed by Beelzebul,” and “by the prince of demons he casts out the demons.” And he called them to him and said to them in parables, “How can Satan cast out Satan? If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. And if a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. And if Satan has risen up against himself and is divided, he cannot stand, but is coming to an end. But no one can enter a strong man’s house and plunder his goods, unless he first binds the strong man. Then indeed he may plunder his house.

“Truly, I say to you, all sins will be forgiven the children of man, and whatever blasphemies they utter, but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit never has forgiveness, but is guilty of an eternal sin”—for they were saying, “He has an unclean spirit.” Mark 3:22-30 (ESV)

This passage disturbs a lot of people. And it should. But the problem is that most people get disturbed for the wrong reasons. They fear that something they said about or to God 20 years ago will keep them from Heaven, even though they have repented and lived under the lordship of Christ for all of these years. Others think that Jesus is saying that suicide is the one sin that will keep people from inheriting eternal life.

To get a better grasp on this passage we need to understand that Jesus isn’t talking about one particular word or even one action that can keep us from him, as if a sin like suicide is somehow beyond the reach of the cross. Instead, Jesus is saying that it is possible for someone to reject the Holy Spirit’s call to repentance so many times that he has exhausted God’s patience and saving grace. That’s the danger the religious leaders were playing with as they continued to reject Jesus and categorize him with Satan.

God is infinite in his wisdom and power. His patience, on the other hand, does have limits. That is what Jesus is driving at in this passage.

Suicide is a sin. It is a person’s attempt to take his own life out of God’s hands, thinking that he knows better than the Sovereign Creator and Sustainer of the universe. Suicide wrecks families. It multiplies the already painful sting of death for those who are left behind.

But it is not the unpardonable sin.

Thankfully for Christians, our eternal destination is not determined by the last thing that we do here on earth. Consider the following illustration.

A married Christian man is sitting on a bench at the mall while he waits for his wife to finish shopping. He notices a woman walking by. The woman is woefully underdressed. It’s clear that her agenda that day was to draw attention to herself. And this married Christian man was more than willing to help that woman with her agenda. Rather than quickly turning away, his eyes lock in on her. Rather than seeing her as a human being in need of the gospel, he treats her like a piece of meat behind the glass at the grocery store. Without question, this man is lusting. He is breaking the seventh commandment (Exodus 20:14; Matthew 5:27-30).

And then his heart stops beating. Right there in the mall, on the bench, while his wife shops. This Christian married man dies and immediately enters the presence of God.

If you hold to another so-called biblical teaching that’s not actually in the Bible – the one that says you can lose your salvation, this man is in real trouble. We all are.

But thankfully, God keeps who he saves (Romans 8:29-39; 1 Peter 1:3-7; Luke 22:31-28; John 10:22-42; John 17:9-12). 

That’s no license to pray some kind of a sinner’s prayer and go about living as we please until we get to Heaven. That’s not genuine salvation. Saving faith is fruit-producing faith (James 2:14-26). Instead, it is a reminder of the saving and keeping grace of the Lord Jesus. It’s a reminder of his grace that is greater than all our sin. It is motivation to carry on in our fight against sin.

Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven.

That one’s not in the Bible either. But it is true. Many times our imperfections can be quite dark. But because of what Jesus Christ did on the cross and because Jesus Christ is alive today, when imperfect Christians die and stand before their Master, they will be recognized with just one word.

Forgiven.

How To Ruin Your Kid’s Next Sporting Event

Everyone wants to see their kid excel at something. Follow these simple steps and maybe yours will too. 

1. When your kid is moving slow, assume that he’s being lazy. And go ahead. Let him know that in front of everybody.

It could be that your kid is just trying to figure things out. Or maybe his coach didn’t want him to be running in a full sprint at that particular moment when you looked up from your Twitter feed. Nah. I’m sure he’s just a lazy slob. Yell away!

2. Blame it all on the coach.

Have long, unscheduled conferences with the coach before and after games and practices. Send him at least three e-mails a day. Question him from the sidelines. Just do whatever it takes to let that coach and everyone else within shouting distance know that he’s the reason why your fourth grader can’t dunk yet. Certainly, it couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that your kid is well, how do I put this, in the fourth grade!

3.Treat the sport as an extended daycare for you to get away from your small child.

“Now just remember, Billy. Mr. Coachy man will be your parent for the next one to three and a half hours. This is mommy time. Don’t go getting hurt now.”

4. Remember, it’s never good enough.

So your kid just hit a home run. Great! But why didn’t he do it during his last at bat? And why does he only have two home runs all year? These questions are best asked out in the open. In front of your kid. And his friends. And their parents. And the groundskeepers. You wouldn’t want your son going and getting the big head now, would you?

5. Constantly compare you kid to the best kids on his team.

Never mind the fact that all kids are different and develop at different paces. And forget about the things that your kid excels at that none of the other kids do. Just focus on the things that all of the other kids do better than your son. 

6. Question his manhood.

Remind him that real men do good at sports. You know, like all of those real men you see on TV who can’t stop doing drugs and beating up women. Real men. Manly men.

So there you have it. Simply following these six steps is sure to make your kid excel at your, I mean his favorite sport. Just don’t be surprised later on when you find out that he’s not nearly as happy as you are.

I Never Got To Meet Truett Cathy

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I never got to meet Truett Cathy.

On Sunday night, my wife told me that Mr. Cathy wasn’t doing well.

On Monday morning, I got the news that he had died.

I felt like I had lost a life-long friend. In a way, I did.

My first job, as far as the IRS is concerned, was at the Chick-fil-a in the Southlake Mall on the south side of Atlanta, Georgia. I grew up eating at Chick-fil-a. When I started working there people told me that I’d never want to eat a Chick-fil-a sandwich again. They told me that having them for break everyday and seeing all of the dirt and grime back in the kitchen would bring a quick change to my dietary habits.

They were wrong.

I did eat Chick-fil-a everyday at work. It never got old.

And there was no dirt and grime in the whole store. You could eat off of the bathroom floor in that place.

That doesn’t just happen. The brand of excellence one consistently finds at Chick-fil-a is the result of the strong leadership of Truett Cathy. And it’s the result of a lot of hard work.

I didn’t really appreciate working at Chick-fil-a until I left. Some of the managers were tough. One always said, “If you’ve got time to lean, you’ve got time to clean.” I hated that. But I was learning something, indirectly, from a man I never met.

I was learning the value of hard work.

Years later, long after my working days at Chick-fil-a were done, I was having lunch with a man who was in charge of a ministry that provided housing for kids with no place else to go. He was telling me all about his passion and his mission. After lunch, he took me on a tour of his place. There were little houses everywhere. As we drove along, he would stop to tell me something about each one. One house was for unwed young mothers. Another one was for boys. Each house had something that set it apart from the rest.

But there was one constant.

Truett Cathy.

“Truett gave us the washer and dryer for that house.”

“Truett paid for this one to be remodeled.”

I learned something else that day from the man that I never met.

Hard work and the rewards that come with it serve a greater purpose than simply having more stuff than the other guy. Followers of Christ use the fruit of their hard work to love God and their neighbor. Truett Cathy was a hard worker. And that hard work really paid off for him. But above any of that, Truett Cathy was a follower of Christ.

It’s easy to think that God’s two favorite jobs are pastor and missionary, as if people in those positions are the only ones who can be serious about following Jesus full-time. Truett showed us the truth. He showed us that, while they have their own place and function, a chicken sandwich can bring just as much glory to God as a sermon. Especially when that chicken sandwich is crafted with excellence and its fruit benefits “orphans and widows in their affliction” (James 1:27).

I’m sorry that I never got to meet Truett Cathy. And I’m sorry that my kids will only know him through second-hand stories. But at least they can still reap the benefits of his chicken sandwich.

And maybe even one day, like their dad, they too can learn valuable lessons from Mr. Cathy.

A man they’ll never meet.

Here on earth, at least.

The Monday Morning Quarterback

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1. The Ohio State Buckeyes and The New Orleans Saints both lost over the weekend. An angel smiled.

2. The Dallas Cowboys are terrible. However, for some reason, Fox saw fit to make their game against San Francisco the game of the week. I’m guessing that by the end of October when Michael Sam is playing quarterback for a winless Cowboy’s team, the Cowboys will still be playing in Fox’s Game of the Week. The Cowboys are a lot like Obamacare. Everyone knows they’re bad. Everyone, that is, except for the people in charge of putting stuff on TV.

3. Big Ten fans are already starting to count down the days until the college hockey season starts.

4. On Sunday I drove in front of Georgia Tech’s campus with my wife and two sons. They all booed. My work here is done.

5. At the beginning of every season, the NFL tries it’s hardest to remind us that a.) Peyton Manning used to play for Indianapolis and b.) Peyton Manning has a brother who also plays quarterback in the NFL.

6. Not many people have it easier in life than the backup kicker.

7. My wife told me that two of her favorite things are breakfast for dinner and the NFL. We enjoyed both on Sunday night. I married up.

Until next week, happy footballing.

Asleep At The Post

The world is on fire. And one of the groups that can do the most to put out those fires isn’t doing too much. Many of them are asleep at their post.

There are two types of evil children.

One is what we might call Cute Evil. This is the evil that less cautious parents laugh at. It’s the rolled eye at a young age that makes the witless father say, “See there, she’s like her mother already.” It’s the laziness that doesn’t go unnoticed by parents, just uncorrected. It’s the embarrassing temper tantrum that only draws attention but never draws discipline. All because it looks cute.

And then there is the other evil. This is the Your Kid Just Might Grow Up To Be Charlie Manson type of evil. This is the rebellion that is bold and daring. It’s the hurtful word that is used with deadly precision. 

I’ve seen both types. I’ve seen it in shopping centers and I’ve seen it during jailhouse visits. I’m no statistician or sociologist. I’m just a husband and a pastor trying my best to train my children up the right way. But there’s something that I’ve noticed in my encounters with these two types of evils. Something that children from both categories seem to be missing. 

A father.

Don’t get me wrong. There are plenty of kids who are raised by single mothers who turn out to be solid adults. And there are just as many kids who grow up with a father in the home but who still make regular appearances on your late local news for all of the wrong reasons. But a dad can be at home and still not be on the job. It’s possible for a man to be at his post but not really at his post.

My grandfather fought in the South Pacific during World War II. He brought a lot of stories back with him. He would share some of them with me when I was a kid. My favorite one involved one of those men who was at his post but not really at his post.

My grandfather was spending the night in a hole in the ground. Two other men were with him. The plan was to take turns sleeping while one man pulled guard duty. After his shift was over my grandfather refused to go to sleep. It’s not that he wasn’t tired. It’s just that he didn’t trust the man who was taking his place. He knew that having him on duty meant having no one on duty. So my grandfather slept with one eye opened. That is to say, he didn’t really sleep.

I’m glad.

Early into the shift, the man charged with keeping watch fell asleep. Out of his one eye that was opened, my grandfather noticed an enemy soldier slowly crawling up to the hole that he was sharing with his friends.

Seeing as how you’re reading this today, you can probably guess how my grandfather reacted. 

Like I said, it’s possible for a man to be at his post but not really at his post. It’s true on a battlefield and it’s true in the home. The only difference is that in the home, my grandfather isn’t there to play back up for the scores of so-called fathers who are asleep at their post while countless enemies come creeping for their children.

Politicians and community activists tell us that it takes a village to raise a child. Feminists and trend setters in the world of education would like to convince us that Heather and her two mommies are doing just fine, thank you.

But reality is telling us something completely different. 

Kids need fathers. They don’t need couch dwellers. They don’t need dictators. They don’t need overaged buddies. And they certainly don’t need some guy who is asleep at his post.

Kids need fathers.

I know that such a claim sounds politically incorrect. It’s not my aim to pit one parent against the other. Fathers are not more important than mothers. Both matter. Both are needed. Both must work together.

But in our rush to prove our forward thinking, it seems as though we’ve gotten too advanced for the concept of fatherhood. Dads have gone the way of MC Hammer’s pants – so last century. 

And would you just look at what that’s gotten us. Generations of cute little evil kids. And thousands more who are sure to find their names in the paper, not for achievements in athletics or academics but police blotter.

There are two types of evil for a small child.

There are also two types of fathers for a small child.

One father is asleep at his post. The other is engaged. He’s active. He’s kneeling in prayer for his kid. He’s standing up for his kid when predators come. He’s standing up to his kid when evil rears its ugly head. 

If you’re the dad who’s trying to do it the right way, keep it up. None of us are perfect. Don’t get discouraged. Stay the course. If you’re the woman married to that man, pray for him, love him and encourage him. He’s more of a blessing to your family than you realize.

Perhaps you’re the dad who is asleep at his post and someone sent this your way to read and to consider. You need to thank that person. More than that, you need to wake up. Whether you realize it or not, no matter how small, cute and intelligent your child may be, he’s evil. Just like the rest of us. And that evil carries with it consequences that he will have to give an account for. 

Your kid’s behavior has nothing to do with President Obama, radical Islam, “times getting bad” or “the wrong crowd.” It has a lot more to do with you being asleep at your post.

In Ephesians 6:4, Paul tells fathers to bring their children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. It’s interesting that he doesn’t just say for us to bring our children up in discipline and instruction. That’s because all fathers are bringing their children up in the discipline and instruction of something. The sleeping father brings his child up in the discipline of demons and the instruction of insanity.

Is it any wonder that the world is on fire? 

The 2014 Pastoral Ramblings Football Predictions

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Football season is officially underway. That means that you can quit pretending to care about baseball. It also means that it’s time for the 2014 Pastoral Ramblings Football Predictions. Here are 10 things that you can count on happening this year.

1. Glen Steward Godwin is number one on the FBI’s Most Wanted List. He’s escaped from prison a couple of times, he’s murdered and he’s trafficked drugs. Sometime within the next week, he’ll be caught. By mid November he’ll be playing for Auburn. In December, he’ll win the Heisman Trophy.

2. Michael Sam will be cut by the St. Louis Rams. By executive order, President Barack Obama will charge head coach Jeff Fisher with a hate crime and name a bridge after Michael Sam. ESPN will have wall to wall coverage.

3. Steve Spurrier will throw things. Judging by last night’s loss to Texas A&M, he’ll be throwing a lot of things.

4. An Ohio State fan will say the following statement at least four times this year.

“I hated to lose that game to ________________ (insert: Akron, Ohio University or Mercer). But we play in the Big 10 so we still have a shot.”

Somehow, a 4 loss Ohio State team will end up playing a 7 loss Notre Dame team in a New Year’s Day bowl.

5. At some point in the season the quarterback of your favorite team will say the following statement word for word.

“Well, you know, it was a tough loss but it is what it is so we’re just gonna have to take it one game at a time.”

6. Stanford will beat Cal on a last second hail mary only to have the touchdown overturned by the American Atheist Society for using offensive religious terminology.

7. The Dallas Cowboys will lose seven games this year. You won’t be able to turn on your television or radio without hearing about the Dallas Cowboys.

8. A Georgia Tech fan will lose 75% of his Facebook fans simply for saying, “This is our year,” after the Jackets beat Presbyterian by three touchdowns. The remaining 25% of those Facebook friends will keep sending him Farmville requests.

9. There will be one week where the most interesting game on television will be Hawaii versus Army. You’ll watch your very first WNBA game that day. And then you’ll wish that you had watched Hawaii versus Army instead.

10. Georgia will go undefeated and win the national championship. Some Georgia fan will still want to fire Coach Mark Richt.

Enjoy the football season, everyone.

Oh, and Go Dawgs!