A Second American Revolution On The Way To School

I’m pretty sure that my car isn’t bugged by the government because if it was, I’d be in Guantanamo Bay right now.

When I drive my kids to school, I always get the same question. Hearing this question several times a week doesn’t make it any less unusual.

“Dad, can we talk about the government and stuff?”

I always say yes.

Here’s a brief summary of every single conversation we have on our way to school.

“So dad, what’s the difference between Democrats and Republicans?”

“Not enough, son. Not enough.”

“Why would politicians in Washington vote for a bill that they haven’t even read that could have stuff in it that’s bad for us?”

“Because a lot of the powerful politicians in Washington are owned by banks and major corporations. They care more about pleasing their bosses than they do protecting our liberty.”

That’s the part where I hold my breath for a second and wait for a warning message on the radio telling me to watch what I say to my kids. Either that or a drone strike. So far, neither one has happened. So far.

There are more questions. Questions about John F. Kennedy getting shot and what kind of a president Lincoln was. Questions about ISIS and whether or not they could defeat our country. Tough questions. But important ones nonetheless that need a solid answer.

Sometimes I don’t like the answers that I have to give.

When I was young, old-timers used to tell me scary stories about the kind of a world that my kids would grow up in. The future is now, it seems. Freedom has eroded. Corruption is king. Pleasure is the new state religion. What a world.

After I drop my kids off in the mornings, I drive to work by myself. There are no more questions coming from the backseat. But there are plenty coming from my seat. Each silent question running through my head is saying the same thing. What can I do to make sure that my kids don’t grow up in the kind of a world that the old-timers told me about?

I think about letters I could write to senators and witty Facebook statuses I could post to draw people’s attention to what’s going on around us. But none of it seems to be enough.

I’ve got another idea. A better idea. Smaller but better.

Our sons and daughters aren’t driven to school in the mornings by Patrick Henry or Thomas Jefferson. That’s not what they need. What they need is a father and a mother. Not a father and mother with all of the answers. Just ones who care enough to listen to their questions and respond with the truth as best as they can. Even when the truth can be scary.

Parents, instead of chewing our nails off and giving our kids ulcers by talking about the world that they are growing up in, let’s focus on preparing them for it as well. Let’s show them the freedom that comes with living in dependence on the one true God and with independence from the false gods in Washington. Teach them the importance of working, not just for things, but for family and neighbors as well. Teach them to give and to love. Instead of ignoring the troubles around us, let’s teach our kids to spot the half truths while speaking the whole truth in love, even if it means not getting a whole lot of love in return.

These lessons don’t just come from our answers to questions. They are shown in the way that you live when you and your family come back home together at the end of another long day filled with news of corrupt politicians, shootings, riots and wars.

Many of our elected officials have sold us out. They have taken from us while hoping that the bread and circus around us would keep us too busy to notice. They have thought only of themselves at the expense of those whom they are supposed to be serving.

Parents, may the same not be said of us.

Our sons and daughters don’t have too many politicians whom they can look to for an example. But they will look to a father and mother. Even when everything falls apart, the best thing that we can provide for those inquisitive little minds in our backseat and around our kitchen table is a bold reminder that our ultimate citizenship is in a Kingdom that cannot be shaken and our submission is to a King who knows no corruption.

Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire. Hebrews 12:28-29 (ESV)

The Quotable Obama

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Presidents are remembered for what they said.

Reagan said, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.”

Kennedy said, “Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country.”

What about President Obama? What will be the words that future generations remember him by? What will be his one stirring sentence that lives long after he has left office?

Time will give us the answer to that question but there is another famous saying that can help us to get a better idea as to how this president will be remembered.

“Actions speak louder than words.”

If that saying is true, here are a few quotes that Barack Obama may have never spoken with his lips but that came across loud and clear in his actions.

Obama On Terrorism

“I stand strong against terrorists. And by terrorists I mean coal miners, people who own arts and crafts stores and military veterans. Oh, and those people who are always talking about the Constitution. Almost forgot about them.”

Obama On The Military

“Who needs the military anyway? They’re always wanting to come to D.C. to see war memorials and to get their injuries healed. Too much trouble if you ask me. Besides, anything they can do, my flying armed robots can do better.”

Obama On Congress

“Congress exists to affirm my every decision. Well, not every decision. Just the ones that they know about. And I must say, they are doing an excellent job.”

Obama On Gun Rights

“I support the right of average American citizens who happen to be employed by the IRS to own whatever firearms they please and as much ammo as the job requires.”

Obama On Healthcare

“A lot of  Americans are dying without proper medical care. But a lot isn’t enough. We need more Americans to die without proper medical care. That’s why I came up with the Affordable Care Act. You didn’t really expect me to pay for all of these people, did you?”

Obama On The Environment

“We have a moral obligation to act swiftly and decisively on the environment. We owe it to our grandchildren. Well, not all of the grandchildren. Just the ones that weren’t killed by our immoral obligation to fund Planned Parenthood.”

Obama On Privacy

“I was surprised to find out today that Jason L. Sanders writes all of his stuff while wearing Captain America pajamas. Also, he ate eggs for breakfast this morning.”

Obama On The Warrantless Searches And Arrests Of American Citizens

“I am saddened to inform you that Mr. Sanders will be unable to finish today’s writing. We all wish him the best and a very speedy recovery.”

If I Were The Evil Leader Of A Sinister Group That Was Determined To Destroy America

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If I were the evil leader of a sinister group that was determined to destroy America, I’d give myself a cool name. Probably something like Lars. Lars von Hammer. I’d also do everything I could to destroy the countries that I didn’t like. The United States would be at the top of my list. That’s what evil leaders with names like Lars von Hammer do, right? They try to destroy the U.S.

At first I would think about an all out military assault. But then I would remember that I would be no match for the mighty United States armed forces. I’d continue to talk about my powerful weapons, even if I don’t really have them, and how strong my military is. But when it came down to the actual attack I’d have to go with a more unconventional approach.

I’d try to convince American government leaders that their real enemy was the American people, not me. That way, instead of worrying about me, politicians would be busy taking away the American people’s guns and monitoring their Facebook likes.

The American people would have to be targeted too. That wouldn’t be a problem. All I’d have to do is go after the American’s education system. Kids could learn that 2+2=5, if that’s what they want it to equal. And nobody would fail. Instead, students would be awarded a diploma just for hanging around. Within a generation, the nation would be led by 37-year-old tenth graders who think that 2+2=5 and who want a trophy for feeling that way.

My plan is coming together marvelously.

But there’s still the problem of the American military. That’s a tougher obstacle but one that could still be overcome. First, I would make sure that American armed forces were spread out all over the world. I would convince Americans that they really, really need to have a military base in Iceland. And Ireland. And that Sandals resort in Saint Lucia.

I don’t know what the military would do in those places. It doesn’t matter. Maybe they could guard borders to make sure that the Saint Lucian locals don’t wander into one of the resort buffets. All I would care about is that the American borders are unprotected. Hopefully everyone would believe that a fence with a hole in it and a sign reading “Keep Out” is all the protection the American borders need.

When money started to get tight because the American politicians were spending too much of it on free smart phones for voters, I mean the poor, I would recommend a drastic slash to the military budget and several base closings. Not the bases in Iceland, Ireland and that Sandals resort in Saint Lucia. The ones in Georgia, Virginia and California. I’m sure that everyone would believe me when I told them that a trimmed down military was a better military. Hey, I got them to believe that 2+2=5, didn’t I?

With the American government leaders busy monitoring their own citizens, the citizens busy monitoring their math skills that seem to be lagging further behind other nations and the military busy monitoring what they were going to do now that they’ve been laid off, America would be mine for the taking.

But there’s one problem.

As the evil leader of a sinister group that was determined to destroy America I wouldn’t be able to convince government officials to spy on their own people. And I wouldn’t have enough influence over the education system to dumb down that many potential opponents. I certainly wouldn’t have the power to weaken the military by taking away benefits, closing bases and spreading it too thin.

So what’s the evil leader of a sinister group that’s determined to destroy America to do?

I know!

I could run for U.S. Congress. For years they’ve been doing a fine job at everything I’ve just described. If you can’t beat them, join them and help them beat themselves.

Vote Lars von Hammer for U.S. Congress in 2016.

You might even get a free smart phone.

What If I Ran My House Like Politicians Are Running Our Government?

That’s it. I’ve had enough.

I’m shutting down my house.

It’s all my wife’s fault.

You see, our kids need things. Lots of things. And, as I’m sure you well know, things cost money. Lots of money.

XBox. That thing costs more than my car did. But the kids need it. What else are we to expect them to fight over?

And Legos too. There’s this box of Legos at the toy store that costs almost $200. Again, that’s more than the value of my car.

So I bought my kids some Legos and an XBox. My wife told me that we didn’t have the money to make that kind of a purchase. We are on a budget, she kept reminding me. Budget, smudget. These kids are in need. Kids! What kind of an adult would willingly keep things from kids? I’ll tell you. A bad one.

Just to be safe, I took a look at our banking account. It turns out that my wife was right. We didn’t have enough money.  That’s when I remembered something. Credit. We have a credit card. Credit cards were invented so that you can buy stuff that you don’t have the money to buy. Shame on us if we let such an invention go to waste while our kids do without.

The kids were ecstatic when I came home with their XBoxes (one for each child so as to avoid fighting) and massive Lego boxes (ditto). About a month or so later things weren’t looking too good. That’s the thing about toys. Sure, they bring happiness but it usually only lasts for a few months before the kids start wanting newer, more expensive happiness. That’s the key to parenting. Spare no expense to make your kids happy.

Now there is another problem. We’ve reached our credit limit. Well, sort of. Our limit was a measly $10,000 but I had a piece of mail on my desk from our credit card company offering to increase our credit line to $50,000. $50,000! Do you realize what that says about me? Someone likes me enough to give me $50,000. And think of all of the extra good I could do with that.

Could do.

Not if my wife gets her way. She refuses to agree to us taking on more debt. She keeps using that word. Debt. I prefer to call it opportunity. Thousands of little opportunities to help our kids. Remember, that’s what this is all about. The kids. And that’s why our house will most likely explode if she doesn’t let me increase our debt limit by the end of this week.

So until she comes around to my way of thinking, I’m shutting down the house. The XBoxes and Legos are locked away in a closet. There’s a blanket over the TV. I’ve put a fence around the bathroom. My kids won’t be allowed to look at the sky above my house. They just have to keep walking with their heads down while I remind them that the sun is mine, not theirs.

“You didn’t build that! Look at the ground. Stop enjoying the sun’s beautiful rays!”

I know that this sounds like I’m making things painful for my children. Yeah, that’s sort of the point. How else are they supposed to see that none of this is my fault? How else will my wife finally get the message that a failure to increase our family’s line of credit is cruel and selfish? How else will we escape the catastrophe that comes with not having a little extra money that was never mine to begin with?

In the meantime, while I wait for my wife to get the message, I’ve got my eye on the perfect device for increasing the amount of folding money I can carry around with me and hand out to my kids.

A printer.

The Government Has Shut Down And I Don’t Feel So Good Myself

The government is shut down and our elected officials are being compared to children. Republicans and democrats, some say, are like spoiled brats who just can’t get along. They keep on fighting and never seem to get their way. Nothing is good enough. Nothing is fair.

Perhaps there is a better comparison.

A while back I was at the zoo with my family. Other families were there too. Hundreds of other families. One in particular stood out.

The child was crying. Not the kind of cry a kid does when he gets hurt. It was more like the spoiled brat kind of a cry. The I-Want-My-Way-And-I-Want-It-Now Cry. The kind of cry that doesn’t usually have any tears.

The mother was furious. She was sun burnt and appeared to be on the brink of a nervous breakdown. And that’s when she let out this little masterpiece.

“If you don’t shed up, Ima gonna cut yo foot off.”

Editors Note for Readers Outside of the Southeastern United States: “Shed up” is the southern way of saying, “Please be quiet.”

I’ve heard a lot of parental threats in my lifetime. I’ve even given a few. But the cutting off of one’s foot was a new one for me.

Later on that day, the mother was still sun burnt and a few steps closer to that nervous breakdown. Her child was still giving that same cry. And he still had both feet.

Maybe, instead of comparing our elected officials to spoiled children, it would be more accurate to compare them to parents. Bad parents. Parents on the brink. Parents who have had enough. Parents who make empty, manipulative, scary sounding threats.

Government shutdown sounds scary. As if everyone in the military will have to leave their posts and come home. But in reality, it’s not quite that bad. We just won’t be able to watch the federal government’s panda cam at the National Zoo for the next few days.

Most of the government is still functioning. You are still being spied on. Drones are still flying in American skies. TSA agents are still taking your stuff and humiliating wheelchair bound veterans and teenage girls. NBC is still on the air.

The government and the media call the programs effected by the shutdown, “nonessential.” That is, things we don’t really need. Things we can live without. For once, they tell the truth.

Our founding fathers envisioned a government that focused on keeping citizens safe from tyranny, both foreign and domestic. For them, there was no such thing as nonessential government programs. Why force people to pay for something that is nonessential?

But those kinds of ideas didn’t last very long. So before long we discovered that we want our panda cam, and we want it now. Which takes us back to our comparison.

If many of our elected officials are like bad, manipulative parents, what does that say about us? What does it say about those of us who prefer nonessential government over essential freedoms?

It means that we are the ones who keep on fighting for all of the wrong things.

We are the ones who are never happy.

We are the spoiled brats.