Teachers, Never Stop Displaying Christ!

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Recently, I was informed of a new directive from a local school district. It had nothing to do  with how much homework teachers can give. It focused more on what teachers can hang on the walls of their classrooms. Or wear around their necks. Or have written under their name on the e-mails they send out.

Teachers in this particular school district, right smack dab in the middle of the Bible belt, are being told that they are no longer allowed to display crosses, prayers, Bible verses or even angels in a place where others might see them. But, on the bright side, teachers are allowed to keep a religious symbol in their desk or filing cabinet as long as no one else sees it. Gee, thanks, government!

Yet again, those in power wishing to suppress the free exercise of religion have gotten it all wrong, at least in regards to Christianity. Yes, Christians sometimes hang crosses on our walls. Some of us put angels atop our Christmas trees. We even decorate our homes with Bible verses. But the heart of our faith runs deeper than that. Our faith is one of devotion, not decoration.

So what should you do if you’re a Christian teacher who has committed the terrible crime of displaying the Lord’s Prayer in your classroom? Is it somehow a compromise of your faith if you obey your power-hungry overseers and take the cross off of your wall and put it in your drawer?

The answer to that question rests in the other place where you choose to display your Bible passages. You see, the government can tell you to take your favorite Bible verse down off of their wall. But they can’t make you take it down from your heart.

I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. Psalm 119:11 (ESV) 

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not arguing for Christians to keep their faith private. A faith that is always kept private is a dead faith (James 2:14-26). I’m arguing for quite the opposite, really.

When you became a Christian, the Holy Spirit took up residence within you. And, more than simply receiving a Get Out of Hell Free Card, you were given the power to live in obedience to the commands of Christ. Paul calls it the fruit of the Spirit.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23 (ESV)

While some of your colleagues may simply be drawing a paycheck and counting down the days until Christmas break, you have an opportunity here. You know that kid that all of the other teachers hate? Love him with the radical love of Christ. When racial tensions spill out into the cafeteria, be an agent of peace for the glory of Christ and the good of those under your care. While the state’s curriculum focuses on teaching kids how to put condoms on bananas and calling it health, teach them instead what is good. Teach them self-control. Model gentleness. And do it with patience and faithfulness.

To put it another way, the state can use its power to make you take a religious display off of your wall but there is nothing they can do to keep you from displaying the real, risen Jesus through your life. Do your job with excellence for the glory of Jesus Christ. And if one of your bosses tells you to stop doing that, remember who your real boss is. And if it costs you your retirement, remember the real inheritance that awaits you.

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. Colossians 3:23-24 (ESV)

Here’s something you can count on. At some point, tragedy will strike your school. I wish it wasn’t that way but it is. It might be an automobile accident or a national catastrophe. It may lead to an empty desk in your classroom or few unplanned days out of school. Either way, tragedy will come. Count on it.

And when it does, the same state that told you to take down your cross will send in their grief counselors to counsel kids and their families. But their thoughts and godless prayers won’t be able to help. Anyone who has abandoned the truth of the gospel ultimately has no hope to offer to those in need. But that doesn’t take away the pain of those in need. So guess where those hurting hearts are going to turn?

You.

The teacher who was forced to take the cross down from your wall but who absolutely refused to remove its impact from your heart and your words and your actions.

Anyone can put a cross on a wall. But only a truly devoted follower of Jesus Christ lives with that cross at the center of everything. As you do that, something is happening.

In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. Matthew 5:16 (ESV)

That light shining through you is not your award-winning personality or superior teaching abilities. Let’s face it, we all have our days. No, the light is Jesus himself.

Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12 (ESV)

Remember, they can take the display of Jesus off of your wall but they can’t take him out of you.

In what sound like something straight out of George Orwell’s 1984, the school district is telling teachers and other employees to inspect properties in case any religious symbols got overlooked during the initial cleansing. And then there is the reminder that these properties are under the ownership and control of the government.

That may be true of the walls in your classroom but it is not true of you. You are under the ownership and control of Christ. So let the government inspect you all they want to. Just so long as when they do, they find Christ.

And when they had brought them, they set them before the council. And the high priest questioned them, saying, “We strictly charged you not to teach in this name, yet here you have filled Jerusalem with your teaching, and you intend to bring this man’s blood upon us.” But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men.” Acts 5:27-29 (ESV)

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The Government’s Guide To A Safe, Healthy and Educational Summer Break For Your Kids

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I got a call from The White House the other day.

It seems that the folks in D.C. have a new initiative to keep kids busy and out of trouble while school is shut down for the summer and they want me to help with getting the word out. They’re calling this new federal program Kids Growing Beyond (KGB) and they seem real excited about it. I figured, if the government is excited about it and it’s for the kids, it can’t be bad. So it is my honor to be the first person to publicize the government’s new guidelines for parents and kids this summer.

1. Safety first!

When you and I were growing up we spent our summers outside. We left the house after we woke up and we didn’t come back until the sun went down. That’s because we grew up all wrong and our parents had no idea what they were doing. Think about it. We could’ve been murdered.

Thankfully, the government’s new guidelines will help to keep that from happening.

From now on, all kids between the ages of 0 and 31 will not be allowed to leave the house unsupervised. Federally qualified supervisors include employees of Child Protective Services, a drone, and, as a last resort, the child’s mother. In dire circumstances, assuming that the proper paperwork and bloodwork is on file, the child’s father will be allowed to supervise for up to six minutes a day.

Also, children must not leave the house without a helmet and they must be in a car seat. Even if they aren’t in a car. Any sitting will have to be done in a car seat. The government’s new motto for this will be, “If you’re off your feet, get in a car seat.” John Legend is working on the commercial jingle for this.

2. Healthy eating first too!

During the summers of my childhood, I was fueled by a steady diet of fish sticks, tater tots ketchup sandwiches and Beanee Weenees. That diet falls well short of today’s high standards. Fish, in case you didn’t know, are people too. And the same goes for whatever animal that Beanee Weenees are made from. The government added ketchup sandwiches to their terrorist watch list in 2002.

In an effort to respect the fish and the Beanee Weenee animal while also getting away from the ketchup sandwich, we’re all going vegetarian. So make sure your kids are used to hamburgers made out of the grass that gets stuck up under the lawn mower when you cut the grass on a rainy day. Mmmmmm. Organic. Oh, and McDonald’s. McDonald’s is still cool as far as the government’s new vegetarian dietary standards go seeing as how they haven’t used any actual meat in their food in over 30 years.

For dessert, kids will be allowed one (1) peppermint per day. On special occasions, cake will be permitted. However, said cake will not be allowed if it is in celebration of a birthday or if it contains sugar and/or flour. The government’s new motto for this will be “Let them eat cake!”

3. Don’t forget the entertainment. That’s first as well!

Every summer has those days when you either can’t or just don’t want to go outside. That’s when television comes in. More specifically in my case, that was when it was time to watch CHiPs and Fat Albert reruns. CHiPs and Fat Albert were my best friends on rainy days. Where would we be without these shows? CHiPs taught us to respect the police. Even if those policemen still liked to compete in disco roller skating competitions. Fat Albert taught us what life was like for inner city kids who had to use things in the junkyard for band instruments. That band sounded pretty good. Way better than anything Rascal Flatts ever recorded. Life, as it seemed, was good in the inner city.

It turns out, we were taught wrong.

Ponch and John wouldn’t stand a chance today. Can you imagine two cops on roller skates trying to stop another one of those riots started by a bunch of rich college kids pretending to be communists at the local roller rink? And what about Fat Albert? Do you think that show would make it today? No way! Today Albert would be called Far Too Short For His Weight Albert and Dumb Donald would be Misunderstood By Every Teacher He’s Ever Had Donald. And there’s no way that Bill Cosby would be allowed to host. Ryan Seacrest would take his place. Far Too Short For His Weight Albert and the Seacrest Kids just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

So we need a healthier alternative for our kids.

The View.

Each week, children will be forced to watch The View. Excuse me. Each week, children will be invited to enjoy The View. After that day’s episode, the child will write a short paper entitled Why Whoopie Is Right And Everyone Else Is Wrong. The music of Alanis Morissette is strongly suggested while your child writes. I’m sure that your second grader can sense the excitement already as he begins to grapple with his guilt for having the nerve to be born a male.

When it’s summer, you don’t have to sacrifice safety, healthy eating and education for fun. You can have it all. And the KGB is here to give it to you. Hopefully these guidelines will help you. Actually, these are just a few of the guidelines. The actual initiative is much longer but I didn’t have time to read it.

But hey, it’s from the government.

What’s the worse that could happen?

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Who You Shouldn’t Trust When It Comes To Your Child’s Health

Here is a brief list of just a few of the things that the government has proven that it cannot handle.

1. Running a website.

2. Balancing a budget.

3. Caring for the needs of ailing, injured and aging veterans.

4. Cutting off their cash flow to the very same terrorist organizations they are fighting against.

5. Developing a curriculum for schools.

Are you sure that you’re okay with the people who can’t even operate a website being in charge of forcing you to make your child get a vaccine?

My children are vaccinated. But they are vaccinated because of a decision that my wife and I made, not a politician or a bureaucrat.

Parents, regardless of your views on vaccinating your children, let’s make sure that our decisions are born out of our views.

Not the views of the people who are teaching our kids that 2+2=5.

Why You Should Be Concerned About Your Kid And Vaccines

There’s an outbreak of measles in our country. I use that word outbreak loosely. Sort of like the media does. But they’re talking a lot about it so that means that there’s an outbreak, regardless of how many people actually have the measles.

In response, a  new debate over vaccinations has begun. And if there’s one thing that we don’t know how to do in this country, it’s debate one another. Name calling? Yes. Shouting? You bet! Disagreeing in a civil manner and moving on? Not by a long shot.

And so our government comes in to fix it for us. It happens in professional sports. It happens in private industry. It happens in our personal lives and how we spend our money. And now that government overreach is working its way into our varying philosophies of parenting, namely vaccinating our children.

If there’s one thing that an overreaching, power-hungry government loves, it’s a public that can’t seem to get along. Divide and conquer, you might say.

Here is the crucial question when it comes to your child and vaccines. Who owns your children, you or the government?

With this sudden outbreak of measles, there is a push among certain politicians to make vaccines mandatory. As you can imagine, the politicians, both Republican and Democrat, who care more about power and less about your personal liberty are the ones leading this push.

Yes, that’s right. The same politicians who ramble on and on about government staying out of the bedroom and what a woman wants to do with her baby being her business are the ones who want to force you to vaccinate your kids. The discerning eye will see that it’s not the welfare of your children or your body that is in view here. It’s total government control.

I know a guy whose kid was vaccinated several years ago. His kid has been virtually non-responsive since then. I know people who have vaccinated their kids without the first hint of a problem. I know people who carry their kids off to the doctor at the first sign of a runny nose. I know people who keep their kids away from doctors and medications at all costs.

But remember, the issue here isn’t really the vaccine. It all goes back to the question I began with. Who owns your children, you or the government?

A parent has the right to vaccinate his children as he sees fit.

And a parent has the right to avoid vaccinating her children.

But the government has absolutely no right to force a family to do one or the other. In fact, any government official who tries to promote mandatory vaccinations should be arrested on grounds of treason. That leader was put where he is to protect our freedoms, not to protect us from ourselves.

I don’t care whether or not you vaccinate your children. I love and admire people with opinions all over the map on this issue. You won’t get an argument out of me on this one.

But what I will argue for, with my last breath, is the right of parents to raise their children as they see fit.

The family is the first human institution that God established. It is his gift to us.

Government, unless it is about the business of protecting that gift, should get out of the way.

Or else that government will find itself fighting against God.

And as history has shown us, that never ends well for government.

Child Protective Services

Dannielle and Alexander Meitiv could be forced to hand their children over to the government.

What was their crime?

The two Meitiv children were allowed to walk home, without adult supervision, from the park where they were playing. Their journey was about a mile. Well, it should have been about a mile. It wasn’t. That’s because an allegedly well-meaning neighbor thought that the sight of two kids walking on a sidewalk warranted a call to the police.

So halfway home, the two Meitiv children were stopped by police and given a free ride home where Alexander was questioned and threatened. Later, there was a visit from Child Protective Services. The kind people of CPS continued the show of power by threatening to take the Meitiv children away if Dannielle and Alexander did not agree to never let their children walk home from the park alone again.

Remember, the Meitiv family wasn’t running a crime syndicate. The kids weren’t terrorizing their school. All they did was what most people over the age of 30 did when they were children. They walked home without parents hovering above them, examining their every move to make sure that their kids weren’t the subject of the next Lifetime Original Movie.

This tragic incident is the result of parents who are growing increasingly afraid because of the aforementioned Lifetime Original Movies and a government that is grabbing for more power because, well, that’s what most governments do.

Make no mistake, there are frightening possibilities that await us with each new day. Most every parent is aware of this. But the answer to those frightening possibilities is not a tighter parental clamp. And especially not a tighter government one.

And make no mistake, as a whole, the government isn’t as concerned with protecting children as we are led to believe. If the government really cared about protecting children, it wouldn’t be killing so many of them before they even have a chance to experience being born.

The real issue here is control. I’ll be accused of being a raging, anti-government conspiracy theorist for what I’m about to say. But that’s okay. You’re not really living until you’re called a raging, anti-government conspiracy theorist. So here goes.

The government wants your children.

Sure, they may not be knocking on your door and threatening to take them away. Their approach is usually more subtle. They’re not so concerned with having your child physically present with them. Just having control over the child’s mind will do just fine.

They want to tell your kids that 2+2=5.

They want to tell your kids that parents don’t know what they are doing.

They want to teach your kids about love and so-called safe sex by showing them how to put condoms on bananas.

And if children are brought up with the independent spirit that it takes to walk home from the park alone, their minds will be harder to program.

The government isn’t coming for the Meitiv children because they are victims of bad parenting. The government is coming after them because they aren’t playing the game the right way. You see, if the little Meitiv children would simply stay inside with their video games and government approved children’s educational programming, none of this would have happened.

The biggest threat to a power-hungry government is a family that has gone off the grid, so to speak. A family where kids see authority lovingly displayed in the home is one where the government is not needed. And if there’s one thing that a corrupt and power-hungry government can’t stand, it’s not being needed.

Parents, someone will raise your kids. It can either be you or it can be some combination of the government and the lady across the street with one hand slightly pulling back the curtains and the other hand holding a phone with 911 on speed dial.

Parents, there are no better people on the planet for raising your kids than you. So do it. Stop just being their friend and stop being their 24-hour body guard. And, if you care anything about your children, stop allowing the government to do the job that only you can do.

The best child protective services are the ones that are provided by parents to their own children. It’s just a shame that sometimes it’s the government that we have to protect our children from.

My Favorite Reads From 2014

Thanks to Netflix and writing a book of my own, I didn’t read quite as much this year as I usually do. But what I did read was really good. Here are my ten favorites. As always, not all of these books were released in 2014 but they were all read by me in 2014. In 2015, between bingewatching shows on Netflix, try to find a few good books to read. I hope that this list helps.

1. Habitudes for Communicators, Tim Elmore

If Tim Elmore writes a book, buy it. You’ll learn something. This one is no exception. If you spend any portion of your life speaking in public, you’ll find this book very beneficial.

“In our world, it isn’t enough to simply suggest your topic is important. It must be urgent as well. When something is important, people prioritize it. When it is urgent, they rush to act.” 

2.  Everyday Prayers, Scotty Smith

This is a very good devotional book. There is an entry for everyday of the year and each one reads as a prayer from Smith. These quick prayers will make you think and give you encouragement.

“I want my tongue to be a scalpel for healing, Jesus, not a hammer for harm.”

3. The Final Days of Jesus, Kostenberger and Taylor

This has all of the depth of a seminary textbook with the readability of a devotional. I read this leading up to Easter and I’m glad that I did. If, like me, you’ve grown up celebrating the life, death and resurrection of Jesus, there can be a tendency for your celebrating to become mere tradition. This book will help to keep that from happening.

“Up to this point in Jesus’s ministry, he could still have managed to live a long, happy, peaceful life, but his actions on Sunday set in motion a series of events that could result only in either the overthrow of the Romans and the current religious establishment – or his brutal death. He has crossed the point of no return; there would be no turning back. Caesar could allow no rival kings.” 

4.  Autopsy of a Deceased Church, Rainer

This one falls in the Every Church Member Should Read This category. It is a disturbing reminder of just how easy it is for a church to die.

“The most pervasive and common thread of our autopsies was that the deceased churches lived for a long time with the past as hero.”

 

5. The Naked Communist, W. Cleon Skousen

This is a fantastic book that was written during the Cold War. But don’t let its age fool you. It is far from outdated. While many Americans fear that our Constitution may one day be replaced with Sharia Law, this book exposes that our Constitution is already under attack by Communism. When the Soviet Union collapsed, Communism did not. It simply started looking for a new host and we just might be it. Skousen’s book gives a fascinating history of Communism while also charting its path to where we are today.

“When you run across dedicated Socialists, remember that the only difference between a Socialist and a Communist is in the method of takeover. The desire to seize monolithic control of society is the same in both. Sometimes people forget that USSR stands for the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. Some people count Socialism ‘good’ and Communism ‘bad.’ In reality the two are twins.”

“…the whole picture of Marxism which is simply ‘modern materialism in action.'”

6. The Pastor’s Kid, Barnabas Piper

If you are in full-time ministry and you have kids, read this book. Your children are growing up with unique challenges and this well prepare you to walk with them through those challenges.

“We need parents who strive to put themselves in our heads and ‘get’ us. We need parents who remember their own idiocy as children and young adults and give an extra measure of grace.”

7. Christ the Lord Out of Egypt, Anne Rice

There are no vampires in this one but Rice’s historical fiction makes for a good read. If you’ve ever imagined what it must have been like for a young Jesus to come to grips with who he was, this book will help.

“I saw it as I’d seen it in my dream. I bowed my head and closed my eyes. As he went on speaking, I could see what he was telling us.”

8. The Road to Serfdom, F.A. Hayek

This isn’t the easiest book to read but it is definitely worth the trouble. It helps to explain how our country got to where it is and where we are headed if things don’t change. The chapter on the rule of law is worth the price of admission.

“Hence the familiar fact that the more the state ‘plans,’ the more difficult planning becomes for the individual.”

9. The Dude’s Guide to Manhood, Darren Patrick

When I finished reading this book I wished that I could buy a copy for every man that I know. With passion and eloquence, Patrick encourages men to leave boyhood behind and be the leaders they are called to be.

“Dads, through their presence or their absence, define us and the road we will travel.”

A Second American Revolution On The Way To School

I’m pretty sure that my car isn’t bugged by the government because if it was, I’d be in Guantanamo Bay right now.

When I drive my kids to school, I always get the same question. Hearing this question several times a week doesn’t make it any less unusual.

“Dad, can we talk about the government and stuff?”

I always say yes.

Here’s a brief summary of every single conversation we have on our way to school.

“So dad, what’s the difference between Democrats and Republicans?”

“Not enough, son. Not enough.”

“Why would politicians in Washington vote for a bill that they haven’t even read that could have stuff in it that’s bad for us?”

“Because a lot of the powerful politicians in Washington are owned by banks and major corporations. They care more about pleasing their bosses than they do protecting our liberty.”

That’s the part where I hold my breath for a second and wait for a warning message on the radio telling me to watch what I say to my kids. Either that or a drone strike. So far, neither one has happened. So far.

There are more questions. Questions about John F. Kennedy getting shot and what kind of a president Lincoln was. Questions about ISIS and whether or not they could defeat our country. Tough questions. But important ones nonetheless that need a solid answer.

Sometimes I don’t like the answers that I have to give.

When I was young, old-timers used to tell me scary stories about the kind of a world that my kids would grow up in. The future is now, it seems. Freedom has eroded. Corruption is king. Pleasure is the new state religion. What a world.

After I drop my kids off in the mornings, I drive to work by myself. There are no more questions coming from the backseat. But there are plenty coming from my seat. Each silent question running through my head is saying the same thing. What can I do to make sure that my kids don’t grow up in the kind of a world that the old-timers told me about?

I think about letters I could write to senators and witty Facebook statuses I could post to draw people’s attention to what’s going on around us. But none of it seems to be enough.

I’ve got another idea. A better idea. Smaller but better.

Our sons and daughters aren’t driven to school in the mornings by Patrick Henry or Thomas Jefferson. That’s not what they need. What they need is a father and a mother. Not a father and mother with all of the answers. Just ones who care enough to listen to their questions and respond with the truth as best as they can. Even when the truth can be scary.

Parents, instead of chewing our nails off and giving our kids ulcers by talking about the world that they are growing up in, let’s focus on preparing them for it as well. Let’s show them the freedom that comes with living in dependence on the one true God and with independence from the false gods in Washington. Teach them the importance of working, not just for things, but for family and neighbors as well. Teach them to give and to love. Instead of ignoring the troubles around us, let’s teach our kids to spot the half truths while speaking the whole truth in love, even if it means not getting a whole lot of love in return.

These lessons don’t just come from our answers to questions. They are shown in the way that you live when you and your family come back home together at the end of another long day filled with news of corrupt politicians, shootings, riots and wars.

Many of our elected officials have sold us out. They have taken from us while hoping that the bread and circus around us would keep us too busy to notice. They have thought only of themselves at the expense of those whom they are supposed to be serving.

Parents, may the same not be said of us.

Our sons and daughters don’t have too many politicians whom they can look to for an example. But they will look to a father and mother. Even when everything falls apart, the best thing that we can provide for those inquisitive little minds in our backseat and around our kitchen table is a bold reminder that our ultimate citizenship is in a Kingdom that cannot be shaken and our submission is to a King who knows no corruption.

Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire. Hebrews 12:28-29 (ESV)

A Few Quick Thoughts On Ebola

1. With the virus now hitting New York City, here comes the part where we are constantly told that, “New Yorkers are tough” and that whoever happens to be the mayor at the moment is “America’s mayor.”

When the virus lands in Dump Truck City, Mississippi, the media will insinuate that it’s because everyone down south only knows how to breathe through their mouth. The mayor of Dump Truck City will have to keep his day job, driving a dump truck of course.

2. The infected New York City doctor had just returned from taking some time away from the office, under his own free will, to treat African Ebola patients. Last night someone on Fox News called him, “selfish.”

Exactly! Nothing could be more selfish than sacrificing your time, and perhaps your life, to treat dying people. Wouldn’t we all be much better off if this doctor had simply stayed home and taken selfies all day. Now that’s good old fashioned American sacrifice.

In a world where self is king, selfless acts are considered acts of terrorism.

3. The chances of you getting negatively impacted from Ebola are about the same as the chances you have of getting hit by lightning. The chances of your Constitutional rights being negatively impacted because someone in D.C. decides that it would be a good idea to create a national health swat team are about the same as the chances of the sun coming up tomorrow. Remember, in politics, sometimes the solution is worse than the problem.

4. Moments like these where the government can’t seem to get out of it’s own way give us good opportunities for reflection. The Bible tells us to pray for our leaders not because it is the nice thing to do but because they are often blinded by incompetence, corruption or some combination of the two. So pray for your leaders. This is also a good time to remember that government, while very much necessary and beneficial when functioning properly, makes a terrible god.

5. But there is a real God and, no matter how bad things get, he is always good and always in control.

Have a great weekend!

About Last Night: A Southern Snow And What The President Should Have Said

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President Barack Obama gave his State of the Union speech last night. Here’s what he should have said.

“Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President, members of Congress and my fellow Americans, thank you for being here.

The State of the Union is very weak. Not all of that is my fault. Some of it is due to those of you who have put personal interests above protecting the freedoms of those you came here to represent. And some blame can be given to those citizens we are supposed to be representing. The ones who have chosen to ignore what is happening to their government until they need something from that government. Good government is impossible without good people.

But a lot of this is my fault. And for that I have two things to say.

First, I’m sorry.

I made news for myself a few years back when I apologized for America. Now it is time for me to apologize to America.

My job is to ensure that liberty is protected. I have failed in that job and I have manipulated many of you in that process.

Instead of protecting economic freedom, I have used the IRS to threaten, intimidate and even attack American citizens. This country is far from the most economically free country in the world. I am to blame for some of that. And for that I am sorry.

But it does not stop there.

In the 80s, people feared the Soviet Union. We made jokes about their constant surveillance of their own citizens. Now, we do the same thing in this country. It didn’t begin  on my watch but it did continue. In a very real sense, at least in terms of personal privacy, I have fundamentally transformed  this country into the Soviet Union of the 1980s. It didn’t end well for them and it will not end well for us. For that I am sorry.

I have disregarded the balance of power that this country was founded upon. Instead of allowing myself to be held accountable by the other two branches of government, I have bullied them and berated them when I did not get my way. I have made light of using my authority to bypass Congress. That is one area where I have kept my promise. As a result, I have turned this country into a dictatorship rather than the democratic republic it was intended to be. Our forefathers came here to escape a power-hungry king. In just a couple of hundred years, we have now come full circle. And for that I am truly sorry.

My reign has been a bloody one. I have mismanaged wars both here and abroad. But the majority of blood on my hands is due to the number of babies whose murders I have sanctioned while at the same time calling on God to bless this country. I have talked a lot about a woman’s choice while doing nothing for a child’s choice. These are children who want to live. I pretend to care about those children when they are 12 and someone brings a gun to their school because it fits my agenda of taking away guns. But I have cared nothing for children when they are still inside of the womb. Or even when they are partially out of the womb. For that I am sorry.

And that brings me to the second thing that I want to say tonight.

Because of my failure to faithfully represent and lead the people of this once great country in accordance to our founding documents, I hereby resign as your president. I also call for the resignation of the two men seated behind me as well as each member of my cabinet. I wish that I could go on with the calls for resignation but someone has to lead us.

Someone who cares more about this country than personal gain.

Someone other than me.

Thank you and may God have mercy on our nation.”

Of course, the president didn’t say anything like that. Instead, he told sentimental stories about hardworking Americans and kids struggling to get an education. And he told us how government is the answer to man’s problems. If only we would wise up and realize what is good for us.

While I was watching President Obama’s speech Tuesday night, snow was falling in my yard, even as he referenced global warming. Elsewhere in my state, the city of Atlanta was shut down. Major roads were turned into parking lots. Three years earlier, state transportation officials promised that this would never happen again.

A reporter asked one of those officials why it happened again.

Her answer went something like this.

“If it wasn’t for all of the traffic, we could fix the traffic.”

The president essentially said the same thing in his State of the Union address.

“If it wasn’t for our system of government, I could really do some governing.”

On Tuesday night, hundreds of people sat stranded on Atlanta’s roads. Some kids even spent four or five hours stuck on a school bus. All because their government failed them. Hopefully they learned a few things that they kept with them when they finally made it home to hear the president speak.

Government is essential.

But it is most reliable and most efficient when it is limited.

If only our president could learn those same lessons.

The Devil’s Dictionary of American Politics

One of the tricky things about our language is that words often have multiple meanings. Take the word dude, for example.

“What’s up, dude?”

Here, dude means fellow or friend.

But the same word can also be an expression of shock or awe.

“Hey, Cheese Puffs aren’t buy one get one free at Kroger anymore.”

“Dude!”

Nowhere is the multiple meaning of our words more clear than in American politics. You’ve probably heard it said before that the Devil is in the details. In his book The Devil’s Dictionary of the Christian Faith, Donald Williams elaborates on that saying. “Remember: the definition is what the Devil wishes were true, period, and which is, in fact, true all too often.”

Here’s how the Devil is getting his wish in the language of American politics.

Affordable (adj.): When the government gives you something that neither you or they can afford by forcing a completely different group of people to pay for it thus making it free. Well, free for them at least.

Anarchist (n.): Any individual or organization that has a problem with the federal government spending trillions of dollars to make sure that your flower bed has the proper ratio of weeds to pine straw.

Bipartisan (adj.): When politicians who represent opposing viewpoints come together to really stick it to the American people.

Cut 1 (v., archaic): To decrease the size and spending of government; 2 (v., current): An act of terrorism that would prevent millions of Americans from being provided with much needed smart phones, Curious George cartoons and ridiculous pieces of art placed inside of funny looking library buildings.

Debt (n.): Money that American politicians borrow from other nations or institutions under the assumption that it will be used to help average American citizens. In the rare event that this money is ever returned, it will be at the expense of those same average American citizens. And their children. And their children’s children.

Democrat (n.): A member or supporter of the most compassionate and caring political party that has ever existed.

Extremism (n.): The belief that one should be able to say what he wishes, worship where he wishes, own a firearm and put as much pine straw in his flower garden as he so desires.

Freedom (n.): A citizen’s privilege to choose whether his rights will be taken away by a republican or a democrat.

Gun-Control (n.): The belief that government should use its own evil weapons to take away evil weapons from citizens that is grounded in the assumption that only government agents and American funded international drug lords have enough inherent goodness to overcome the evil of such weapons.

Politician (n.): A person elected to represent a group of citizens by acquiring as much money and power as possible, all for the good of those citizens, of course.

Republican (n.): A derivative from Latin meaning to sell one’s soul and cave in at the last minute.

Sacrifice (n.): A citizen’s patriotic duty of either voluntarily or involuntarily giving up rights so that government can protect him from himself.

Terrorist (n.): A Christian mother of five who drives a mini-van, loves her husband and kids, pays for her own groceries and voted for Ron Paul. Not to be confused with people who use anything at their disposal to do as much harm as possible to the American republic while benefiting themselves. See politician.

Tragedy (n.): A really awesome opportunity for politicians to acquire more power for themselves and take away more rights from citizens by appealing to the emotions or fears of those citizens.

War (n.): The political strategy of making a bad situation worse by talking about it more, “getting tough” on it and spending trillions of dollars on it. Examples include but are not limited to the War on Drugs, the War on Terror and the War on Poverty.

So now, the next time you turn on the news and hear about a bipartisan effort to bring about gun control, you can turn to your friend and say, “Dude! This ain’t good, dude.”