Worse Than Hillary Clinton

On Sunday, to the surprise of no one, Hillary Clinton announced that she would be running for president. If Mrs. Clinton is elected, the United States would suffer greatly. In fact, the country may not even survive. President Hillary Clinton would be very bad for America.

But it could be worse.

We could elect the lesser of two evils.

If there’s one thing that many so called conservatives haven’t been able to get right over the years it’s telling the difference between Democratic Party tyranny and the GOP variety. If a Republican president signs a law taxing us for spending too much time in the sun, he’s patriotic. If a Democratic president does the same thing, he needs to be thrown out of office. Conservatives just can’t seem to get the idea that, when your freedoms are trampled, it doesn’t really matter if it’s a donkey or an elephant doing the trampling. Either way, you lose.

Allow me to give you a glimpse into the future. Let’s suppose that Hillary and some candidate who believes essentially the same things as Hillary but with an R next to his name are the last two people standing in the presidential race. And, since we don’t want Hillary, most Americans vote for the lesser of two evils. “Finally! A Republican is back in the White House. Maybe now we can get the country back on track,” we’ll tell ourselves.

And, as the government grows like it did when other lesser of two evils led us, we’ll remind ourselves that the inevitable loss of personal liberty and financial freedom isn’t as bad as it would be if Hillary were in charge. And, when that lesser of two evils throws us a bone by saying something against abortion but never actually doing anything to stop it, we’ll think that things are finally back in order. In reality, nothing will have changed. Nothing except for the bosses our new boss answers to.

The only real difference between Hillary Clinton and many other national politicians, even the Republicans, is which set of international bankers they answer to. Many of these politicians, like Hillary, come from prominent political families that look more like the monarchy our country broke off from than the land that Jefferson and Washington imagined. They favor a strong, centralized federal government. And they will run your freedoms over. Elephant or donkey? Isn’t freedom of choice grand!

So, in 2016, if your only choices for president are Hillary and Diet, Republican Hillary, find another name to write in. David Lee Roth. Patrick Henry. T Swizzle. I don’t care. Just don’t settle for the lesser of two evils. And if Hillary manages to pull it out, don’t give up hope just yet. At least her bad policies won’t be considered patriotic or good for the country. At least her motives will be a bit more clear. And at least the Republicans in D.C. will be more apt to stand against her power grabs than they would be if someone from their party were in charge. Okay, I may be reaching on that one.

Our nation is in trouble.

Our debt is at very dangerous levels.

We’ve turned the killing of babies into a tax-payer funded industry.

The federal government, rather than protecting us from bullies, has become the bully.

Instead of asking what we can do for our country, we’re asking what our country can do for us.

Our constitution has been shredded.

And the last thing we need is another battle between Democrats and Republicans. We don’t need to convince ourselves to vote for the lesser of two evils. No candidate is perfect but conservatives have been voting for the lesser of two evils for a while now and look where it’s gotten us.

Hillary Clinton would be bad for America. Very bad.

Just not as bad as a so-called conservative Republican who is a carbon copy of Hillary Clinton only with less backbone and a better pant suit.

As long as we’re content with the lesser of two evils, we shouldn’t be surprised when the results are, well, evil.

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About Last Night: A Southern Snow And What The President Should Have Said

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President Barack Obama gave his State of the Union speech last night. Here’s what he should have said.

“Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President, members of Congress and my fellow Americans, thank you for being here.

The State of the Union is very weak. Not all of that is my fault. Some of it is due to those of you who have put personal interests above protecting the freedoms of those you came here to represent. And some blame can be given to those citizens we are supposed to be representing. The ones who have chosen to ignore what is happening to their government until they need something from that government. Good government is impossible without good people.

But a lot of this is my fault. And for that I have two things to say.

First, I’m sorry.

I made news for myself a few years back when I apologized for America. Now it is time for me to apologize to America.

My job is to ensure that liberty is protected. I have failed in that job and I have manipulated many of you in that process.

Instead of protecting economic freedom, I have used the IRS to threaten, intimidate and even attack American citizens. This country is far from the most economically free country in the world. I am to blame for some of that. And for that I am sorry.

But it does not stop there.

In the 80s, people feared the Soviet Union. We made jokes about their constant surveillance of their own citizens. Now, we do the same thing in this country. It didn’t begin  on my watch but it did continue. In a very real sense, at least in terms of personal privacy, I have fundamentally transformed  this country into the Soviet Union of the 1980s. It didn’t end well for them and it will not end well for us. For that I am sorry.

I have disregarded the balance of power that this country was founded upon. Instead of allowing myself to be held accountable by the other two branches of government, I have bullied them and berated them when I did not get my way. I have made light of using my authority to bypass Congress. That is one area where I have kept my promise. As a result, I have turned this country into a dictatorship rather than the democratic republic it was intended to be. Our forefathers came here to escape a power-hungry king. In just a couple of hundred years, we have now come full circle. And for that I am truly sorry.

My reign has been a bloody one. I have mismanaged wars both here and abroad. But the majority of blood on my hands is due to the number of babies whose murders I have sanctioned while at the same time calling on God to bless this country. I have talked a lot about a woman’s choice while doing nothing for a child’s choice. These are children who want to live. I pretend to care about those children when they are 12 and someone brings a gun to their school because it fits my agenda of taking away guns. But I have cared nothing for children when they are still inside of the womb. Or even when they are partially out of the womb. For that I am sorry.

And that brings me to the second thing that I want to say tonight.

Because of my failure to faithfully represent and lead the people of this once great country in accordance to our founding documents, I hereby resign as your president. I also call for the resignation of the two men seated behind me as well as each member of my cabinet. I wish that I could go on with the calls for resignation but someone has to lead us.

Someone who cares more about this country than personal gain.

Someone other than me.

Thank you and may God have mercy on our nation.”

Of course, the president didn’t say anything like that. Instead, he told sentimental stories about hardworking Americans and kids struggling to get an education. And he told us how government is the answer to man’s problems. If only we would wise up and realize what is good for us.

While I was watching President Obama’s speech Tuesday night, snow was falling in my yard, even as he referenced global warming. Elsewhere in my state, the city of Atlanta was shut down. Major roads were turned into parking lots. Three years earlier, state transportation officials promised that this would never happen again.

A reporter asked one of those officials why it happened again.

Her answer went something like this.

“If it wasn’t for all of the traffic, we could fix the traffic.”

The president essentially said the same thing in his State of the Union address.

“If it wasn’t for our system of government, I could really do some governing.”

On Tuesday night, hundreds of people sat stranded on Atlanta’s roads. Some kids even spent four or five hours stuck on a school bus. All because their government failed them. Hopefully they learned a few things that they kept with them when they finally made it home to hear the president speak.

Government is essential.

But it is most reliable and most efficient when it is limited.

If only our president could learn those same lessons.

The Devil’s Dictionary of American Politics

One of the tricky things about our language is that words often have multiple meanings. Take the word dude, for example.

“What’s up, dude?”

Here, dude means fellow or friend.

But the same word can also be an expression of shock or awe.

“Hey, Cheese Puffs aren’t buy one get one free at Kroger anymore.”

“Dude!”

Nowhere is the multiple meaning of our words more clear than in American politics. You’ve probably heard it said before that the Devil is in the details. In his book The Devil’s Dictionary of the Christian Faith, Donald Williams elaborates on that saying. “Remember: the definition is what the Devil wishes were true, period, and which is, in fact, true all too often.”

Here’s how the Devil is getting his wish in the language of American politics.

Affordable (adj.): When the government gives you something that neither you or they can afford by forcing a completely different group of people to pay for it thus making it free. Well, free for them at least.

Anarchist (n.): Any individual or organization that has a problem with the federal government spending trillions of dollars to make sure that your flower bed has the proper ratio of weeds to pine straw.

Bipartisan (adj.): When politicians who represent opposing viewpoints come together to really stick it to the American people.

Cut 1 (v., archaic): To decrease the size and spending of government; 2 (v., current): An act of terrorism that would prevent millions of Americans from being provided with much needed smart phones, Curious George cartoons and ridiculous pieces of art placed inside of funny looking library buildings.

Debt (n.): Money that American politicians borrow from other nations or institutions under the assumption that it will be used to help average American citizens. In the rare event that this money is ever returned, it will be at the expense of those same average American citizens. And their children. And their children’s children.

Democrat (n.): A member or supporter of the most compassionate and caring political party that has ever existed.

Extremism (n.): The belief that one should be able to say what he wishes, worship where he wishes, own a firearm and put as much pine straw in his flower garden as he so desires.

Freedom (n.): A citizen’s privilege to choose whether his rights will be taken away by a republican or a democrat.

Gun-Control (n.): The belief that government should use its own evil weapons to take away evil weapons from citizens that is grounded in the assumption that only government agents and American funded international drug lords have enough inherent goodness to overcome the evil of such weapons.

Politician (n.): A person elected to represent a group of citizens by acquiring as much money and power as possible, all for the good of those citizens, of course.

Republican (n.): A derivative from Latin meaning to sell one’s soul and cave in at the last minute.

Sacrifice (n.): A citizen’s patriotic duty of either voluntarily or involuntarily giving up rights so that government can protect him from himself.

Terrorist (n.): A Christian mother of five who drives a mini-van, loves her husband and kids, pays for her own groceries and voted for Ron Paul. Not to be confused with people who use anything at their disposal to do as much harm as possible to the American republic while benefiting themselves. See politician.

Tragedy (n.): A really awesome opportunity for politicians to acquire more power for themselves and take away more rights from citizens by appealing to the emotions or fears of those citizens.

War (n.): The political strategy of making a bad situation worse by talking about it more, “getting tough” on it and spending trillions of dollars on it. Examples include but are not limited to the War on Drugs, the War on Terror and the War on Poverty.

So now, the next time you turn on the news and hear about a bipartisan effort to bring about gun control, you can turn to your friend and say, “Dude! This ain’t good, dude.”

The Government Has Shut Down And I Don’t Feel So Good Myself

The government is shut down and our elected officials are being compared to children. Republicans and democrats, some say, are like spoiled brats who just can’t get along. They keep on fighting and never seem to get their way. Nothing is good enough. Nothing is fair.

Perhaps there is a better comparison.

A while back I was at the zoo with my family. Other families were there too. Hundreds of other families. One in particular stood out.

The child was crying. Not the kind of cry a kid does when he gets hurt. It was more like the spoiled brat kind of a cry. The I-Want-My-Way-And-I-Want-It-Now Cry. The kind of cry that doesn’t usually have any tears.

The mother was furious. She was sun burnt and appeared to be on the brink of a nervous breakdown. And that’s when she let out this little masterpiece.

“If you don’t shed up, Ima gonna cut yo foot off.”

Editors Note for Readers Outside of the Southeastern United States: “Shed up” is the southern way of saying, “Please be quiet.”

I’ve heard a lot of parental threats in my lifetime. I’ve even given a few. But the cutting off of one’s foot was a new one for me.

Later on that day, the mother was still sun burnt and a few steps closer to that nervous breakdown. Her child was still giving that same cry. And he still had both feet.

Maybe, instead of comparing our elected officials to spoiled children, it would be more accurate to compare them to parents. Bad parents. Parents on the brink. Parents who have had enough. Parents who make empty, manipulative, scary sounding threats.

Government shutdown sounds scary. As if everyone in the military will have to leave their posts and come home. But in reality, it’s not quite that bad. We just won’t be able to watch the federal government’s panda cam at the National Zoo for the next few days.

Most of the government is still functioning. You are still being spied on. Drones are still flying in American skies. TSA agents are still taking your stuff and humiliating wheelchair bound veterans and teenage girls. NBC is still on the air.

The government and the media call the programs effected by the shutdown, “nonessential.” That is, things we don’t really need. Things we can live without. For once, they tell the truth.

Our founding fathers envisioned a government that focused on keeping citizens safe from tyranny, both foreign and domestic. For them, there was no such thing as nonessential government programs. Why force people to pay for something that is nonessential?

But those kinds of ideas didn’t last very long. So before long we discovered that we want our panda cam, and we want it now. Which takes us back to our comparison.

If many of our elected officials are like bad, manipulative parents, what does that say about us? What does it say about those of us who prefer nonessential government over essential freedoms?

It means that we are the ones who keep on fighting for all of the wrong things.

We are the ones who are never happy.

We are the spoiled brats.